Expert Advice: Post-Finals

Welcome to our Expert Advice column, where we gathered a team of Human Experts to give you the very best advice for all of your human problems. This month’s advice is on the subject of what to do after finishing finals.

  • Take an online class over winter break. You won’t be burned out, trust me.
  • Think really hard about your performance on your exams, this will help to alleviate any post-exam depression
  • E-mail your professors every day asking if the grades are up yet, your dedication might make them bump your overall grade up!
  • Give your praise to whatever dark deity you may worship. After doing so, silently pause for approximately thirty seconds as you slowly realize you have roughly six to seven more semesters to go. Proceed to cry yourself to sleep.
  • EAT. Eat everything in sight. The extra weight gain will make you extra happy!
  • Drop out and become a stripper. The money you’ll make will equate to more than you could ever earn with an actual degree anyhow.
  • Give up your dreams and invest in becoming a professional juggler. Less income but assuredly more happiness.

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