Single on Valentine’s Day

The Christmas and New Year’s decorations are finally put away. The fun holidays are over, which could only mean one thing— Valentine’s Day is approaching. Maybe you’ve had a Valentine in the past or maybe you’ve never had one at all.  But regardless of your situation, you are dreading that miserable, lonely day when you have to watch all your co-workers and classmates and random couples on the street being even more lovey-dovey and annoying than usual.  As if we haven’t seen enough of their goddamn kissing pictures on Facebook already.  Now they’re taking over the streets and flooding them with candy hearts. Every time you walk into a store you will shiver at the sight of the freshly stocked shelves filled with chocolates and teddy bears and cheesy cards with hearts all over them.  You’ll want to throw up all over the aisles and start knocking everything down, screaming like a crazy person in the middle of Walmart. (We’ve all been there… right?)

It seems like nowadays being in a relationship is the norm, but there is nothing wrong with being single.  We sulk and ask ourselves what’s wrong with us, why no one loves us, why we are stuck spending this awful, commercial holiday alone. We pick out all our imperfections and blame ourselves when in reality we’re probably not half bad.  Sure, we’re not perfect, but we can’t be much worse than people who ARE in relationships. We all have flaws.  If you find the right person, none of that will matter. First off, we need to stop blaming ourselves and start enjoying being single.  Besides, we probably have some quirks too.  Like the fact that you can quote every single line of every single episode of The Office.  Yet every year when February 14th rolls around, and we have no one sending us flowers, we believe that maybe, just maybe, for whatever reason, we are incapable of being loved.  We start to overthink things and second guess every action we have ever made in our entire lives. Like maybe I shouldn’t have texted him so much. Maybe I wasn’t pretty enough or fun enough.  We whine and moan and question ourselves instead of reflecting on the things we did right.

Second, why do we give being alone such a negative connotation?  More people need to believe that being single is perfectly acceptable, whether it’s by choice or fate or circumstance.  And it definitely has its perks. You’re not crazy or weak or broken or unfulfilled just because you are single.  You are independent.  You are learning to be yourself, to love yourself.  And if you love yourself, why does anyone else’s love even matter?

There is really nothing I can say that will magically heal anyone with a broken heart, anyone who is sick of rejection, sick of being the one who loves more, or the one who just can’t seem to love at all.

It could have just been the wrong place at the wrong time, a lack of chemicals or hormones or whatever is released when “falling in love”.  Or we just haven’t stumbled upon the right person, or there is no right person. Or maybe there is more than one “right person” and we are meant to share our love instead of being stuck in one relationship forever.  We are meant to get hurt and to move on.  Because in reality, it does make us stronger. It makes us realize what we want and what we don’t want, what we’re willing to put up with, and when we deserve more.

And if you’re bored of being single, then you’re doing something wrong.  It’s time to go out and meet new people, pick up a new hobby, learn to play a new sport or instrument. Think of all the perks you have, for example, all that candy is all yours. You don’t need to buy a gift for anyone else. And the freedom.  The ability to just wake up one day, pack your bags, and move across the world just because you wanted a change of scenery.  When you are single, you have time for yourself, and you don’t have to split that time between what you want to do and what your significant other wants to do. You do what you want, when you want, and you don’t have to answer to anybody.  You don’t need to worry about anyone else’s feelings.  So don’t be afraid to be single. Don’t feel bad about.  Enjoy it. Embrace it. Take advantage of the freedom you have now, because if you do end up in a relationship someday, those wild Friday nights out with your friends will be replaced by staying in and trying to impress your significant other’s parents.  Or watching your boyfriend play Call of Duty as you try to ignore the smell of dirty socks taking over his apartment.  Go ahead and be selfish while you still can.  Get on that plane.  Kiss strangers.  Eat that last slice of pizza.  Do whatever makes you happy.  And maybe you’ll even come to realize that you don’t want to give up this luxurious lifestyle just to be in “love”.  Love is too mainstream anyways.  Don’t conform.  Don’t settle for less than you deserve just to have the warmth of another person’s body next to yours at night.  Especially because that body will probably hog all the blankets to leave you much colder than you had been before they took over.

Maybe some day you will find love greater than the moon.  You will meet someone and spend the rest of your life with them and wonder what you ever did without them.  Or maybe you won’t.  And sometimes your friends won’t quite understand because they’re too caught up in what perfume they should wear to impress their lover or to find a lover for themselves.  But people will constantly try to tell you that love is coming.  And maybe it is, but again, maybe it’s not. There is no point in trying to sugarcoat it because being single isn’t as bad as it’s been made out to be. And if love happens, it happens. But it most definitely shouldn’t be anywhere near the top of your bucket list. Not everyone meets someone they can spend the rest of their life with. And that’s perfectly fine.  There are so many more important things to worry about.

The truth is that sometimes it’s just easier to get caught up in the whole idea of love because we want what we don’t have but others do, instead of embracing what we do have that others don’t.  The grass is always greener.  There will be days where we will see that cheesy card in Walmart and laugh to ourselves, wishing we had someone to share it with. So we continue to blame ourselves even when we haven’t done anything wrong.  Even if we were perfectly fine.  Wallowing in bitterness and self-hate is fun for a while, sure.  We can all use a good pity party every now and then.  But despite what you’ve been told, or forced yourself to believe, Valentine’s Day is not the day for that.  Valentine’s Day is supposed to be about love.  So why not use this “holiday” as an excuse to love yourself?

Be your own Valentine.  Buy yourself that funny card, some chocolate, maybe even some flowers.  Spend your night relaxing, taking a bath, and watching your favorite shows on Netflix.  Order yourself an entire pizza and don’t even feel an ounce of remorse for eating it all.  You deserve that pizza.  Pizza will never leave you. Pizza will never break your heart.  Or go out and buy yourself a new dress or a new lipstick. Get dressed up, go dancing, feel good about yourself.  Treat yourself to drinks at your favorite bar.  Learn to take yourself out.  Get comfortable going out on your own. And remember that every once in a while, it’s okay to feel bitter and lonely.  Just don’t let your life revolve around it.  Have another drink, buy yourself a cat, and move on.

Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sis/98174687/