Let’s make this clear, I am thankful for the ability to travel and see the world, as I am studying in London for my Junior year of college, but I want you all to know that I am not thankful for tourists. Look, you may see me and think “well aren’t you a tourist?” I mean I guess so, but I’ve been here since early September and I know to tell cyclists on the sidewalk to piss off. I think I’ve become a Londoner, I’ve got the attitude, my legs move at the pace of the Brits, and I’m picking up the lingo. Now that I distinguished the fact that I am definitely not under touristy and vacation mindset, I am not thankful for tourists and here’s why.
Tourists, especially American tourists, forget how to act. By this I mean, you get to a foreign country, or even just a place that you aren’t from, and suddenly you (the generic one) suddenly forget basic things and cannot seem to pay attention to your surroundings. This is something I’ve put thought in, probably too much to be honest, because my family may visit me next semester and I fear having to guide them through London. One of the most annoying, and probably petty things to get mad at, is when tourists are attempting the London Underground and on their way to or from the platform just stand wherever they want on the escalator. I mean c’mon, there are signs that say stand on the right, but do you not see how on every escalator everyone stands on the right and walks on the left? I thought it couldn’t be more obvious.
The next thing on my list is the tourist’s stop and go mindset. Look, I understand wanting to stop and take a picture of Big Ben (even though he’s shrouded in scaffolding), or take a picture of whatever London iconic monument you’re at, but seriously, find a good place to do it. Every time you stop on a dime right in front of me, I end up either bumping into you are stopping so close to you I can smell you, and I don’t want to be doing either of those. So, if you’re a tourist, walk away from the moving flow of foot traffic and take your photo op somewhere smart.
And another thing I’m most certainly not thankful for is seeing tourists going inside telephone booths. I know you may not know this, but here’s a little secret, those booths are absolutely disgusting. For a solid month and a half the booth closest to my building had a little swirl of doodoo in it, and let me tell you, dogs do not make swirlies. Even going past that, most booths are physically grimy and dirty, have nudies of women stickied top to bottom on the inside. Trust me, if you who are reading this ever goes to London, do yourself a favor and don’t go inside or touch a telephone booth.
I suppose the last thing I will talk about on my long list of anti-tourist propaganda will be the speed at which tourists walk. Some of y’all walk so slow I’ve missed trains and busses. Just because you’re not in a rush, doesn’t mean people around you don’t have places to be. Pick up the pace, or move to the side because I will walk right over you if need be and I’m sure when you get in the way you’ll cry wolf and get mad that you got bumped in to.
P.s. As I write this I am avoiding a compulsory, ungraded written assignment that I most certainly not thankful for.
P.s.s. Thanks for listening to my rant! If you read this, take into consideration your surroundings when you travel, it improves your safety and the safety of others around you!
