Issue 4: Allora Vs. Roommates
Topic: Slang: the sub dilemma
*Disclaimer* Allora Vs. is a series focused on my own opinions and the opinions of those I interview. I am in no way advocating for or against any of the topics discussed… most of the time. These are simply opinion based discussions about controversial and/or comedic topics in society.
I’m from Erie, Pennsylvania, the physical proof that hell can freeze over. It’s a gloomy, boring city with a lot of violence and far too much goddamn snow, and I have many feelings about it. (Most of them are not so great.) Up north, we speak a bit differently. We add words that don’t belong, and sometimes even ignore words that make sentences grammatically correct. While a lot of those “quirks” annoy the living hell out of me, there are a few words and phrases I can’t seem to give up. I never knew I’d want to defend my birthplace after living there for 18 years, but here we are.
In 2016 I started a new adventure in Philly after committing to Arcadia University for undergrad. Since moving to Philadelphia, I’ve found myself on the outside of many conversations. I’ve been the brunt of jokes. I’ve seen what it’s like to be…different. Why? Strap in, yous. We’re about to hop into some slang talk.
An introduction to my roommates seems necessary, as they’ll be guiding me through the twists and turns of the Philly dictionary. Hannah, H, grew up in Pottstown, about 45 minutes west of Philadelphia, and Evan, E, grew up in Somerton, which is basically Philly suburbs.
We sat in our living room and discussed some of our lingual distinctions… starting with the infamous “sub” vs. “hoagie” battle.
Allora: I grew up eating subs. Long sandwich bread or rolls with various meats, cheeses, veggies, etc. That’s what a sub is.
Evan: No, I disagree. It’s a hoagie. I’ve rarely heard anyone call them “subs.” It’s how I was socialized. Calling them “subs” doesn’t even sound right to me. Does not compute.
Hannah: Subs are submarines. I didn’t hear of “subs” until we got Subways.
A: So it’s basically the way you were raised?
H: No, it’s because it’s right. It’s a hoagie.
A: Say “b-a-g-e-l.”
E: (Repeatedly) Bagel. Bagel. Beggle? Bagle. Bay-gel. Bagel.
H: Bay-gle? Bagel with cream cheese? I don’t know, I’m Jewish, so does it count?
A: It’s bagel (beg-gle). I don’t know if that’s an Erie thing or just an Allora thing, though? I say “bagel.” Like beg. Not bayg.
H: But you’re coming to us [in Philadelphia] with these questions, therefore you’re wrong. If we came to you, it’d be a different story.
A: …moving on. Flavored ice shavings. What are they called?
H: Rita’s wuder ice.
E: Wuder ice.
A: There are two things wrong with that. First, it’s Italian ice. Saying “water ice” is like saying flame fire. No shit it’s water. Ice is water. And two, it’s spelled w-a-t-e-r and should be pronounced as such. Water.
E: I say it both ways. Wuder and water. It depends on what I’m referring to.
H: I don’t say “wuder,” I say it more like “wadder.”
A: Wrong. You pronounced it the same way Evan did.
H: ANYWAY.
A: I’ve been made fun of for this ever since I got here, but what would you think if I said, ‘I could really go for a cold glass of pop right now?’
E: Ugh. No. No. That ain’t it, chief.
H: (Stares blankly) You can’t drink something that’s an action or onomatopoeia. When I think about drinking pop, it just- it feels incomplete. But I’m used to hearing people say “soda-pop.” Some people also just call everything a coke. That’s like a British thing, I think?
E: Ah, those fuckin’ British. With their fucked up teeth… Please don’t put that in.
A: Oh, it’s going in. Think of something else.
E: Jawn.
A: “Jawn”
E: It’s just the most useful everyday object. It’s like the jack of all trades in philly slang. You can use it for so much.
A: It’s become something of a meme, too, hasn’t it?
E: I don’t know, has it? I mean- yeah.
A: …okay. Thank you for elaborating. Something from Erie that I hate is when people say ‘I says.’ I have to grit my teeth.
E: Because it’s stupid. Just-how hard is it to say ‘said?’
H: HAHA no comment. I mean, I know it’s dialect, but it sounds wrong.
A: I was reading an article the other day about Erie slang, and a funny phrase is ‘go jump in the lake.’ I like it because it’s insulting and reasonable.
H: Oh right, Lake Erie.
E: Our equivalent could be like ‘go get hit by Septa’ or something.
H: Nah, Septa’s too slow to cause any damage.
A: Good point. Pronounce c-r-e-e-k.
E: CREEK.
H: Creek. It’s not a ‘crick.’
A: I’m glad we agree. My family says ‘crick’ and I hate it. Our rival school in high school was Harborcreek, and people would say Harborcrick. I wanted to rip my hair out. OH! Another good one that I read about was when people from Erie add “at” where it doesn’t need to be. Like ‘where’s it at?’
E: That’s not too bad. I say shit like that, too.
H: Yeah, me too.
A: But we can all agree that it’s not grammatically correct?
E: Yes
H: Uh-huh.
A: Say ‘both.’
E: Both?
H: Both?
A: Right. People always said “bowl-th”
H: Both?
A: No.
H: Boath? No.
A: No. Add an L.
H: Bolth? No.
A: Closer. Bowl-th.
H: Bowl-th.
A: Yes. Doesn’t that annoy you?
H: Yes.
A: Okay, we’ve discussed a good bit. But what we haven’t touched is something I’m very passionate about. Can you guess what it is?
E: Harry Styles.
A: Not quite. It’s a little thing I like to call Sheetz vs. Wawa.
E: I did not hear the word Sheetz just now, did I? Allora. They’re not even in the same category? What kind of name even is Sheetz?
A: What kind of name is Wawa?
E: It’s the name for a Canadian goose, you bitch. (Mockingly) “Sheeeeetz.”
A: But have you ever had Sheetz?
E: Maybe like one bite of something?
A: Of what?
E: Maybe like mac and cheese balls? Is that a thing?
A: Mac and cheese bites?
E: Yeah.
A: And you didn’t like them?
E: No.
A: You’re a dirty liar. Don’t talk to me about Sheetz if you’ve literally only had one bite. I can confidently say I’ve had both and the only thing that’s better about Wawa is their mashed potatoes. Mostly because Sheetz doesn’t have mashed potatoes.
E: They don’t even have a basic staple like that?
H: I will say Sheetz’s mac and cheese bites slap. I think both Sheetz and Wawa have their own specialties. Like I’ll happily eat Sheetz food when I want to, but I’ll also eat Wawa. I hold them to the same standard, I think.
A: Fair… Sheetz will always be better in my mind, but I guess I do have a soft spot for Wawa mac and cheese and potato bowls.
E: Sheetz is DISGUSTING.
A: Whatever. Anyway, thank you both for your input. Even if it was wrong, I appreciate your trying to convert me to Philly slang. Any parting words?
E: (Long pause) no.
H: (Even longer pause) Stream Fine Line.
A: Bet. Wait is bet a Philly thing?
H: Yeah, it is.
A: I’m halfway there.
