An Ode To Dollar Dog Night

A crucial part of being a Philadelphian is an essential, obsessive, life-threatening reliance on the results of Philadelphia sports teams and their performance. And part of that experience is an obligatory, semi-annual pilgrimage to South Philadelphia to watch it all unfold. It can be a semi-religious experience and a true foray into the positives (and, admittedly, negative) of the experience – one small part of collective consciousness. There’s only one, extreme, major problem: it is ridiculously expensive nowadays. During the throes of a historically losing season of Sixers basketball, the tickets would hit single digits the day of a game, but now? All 41 home games will kill the checking account. The 8 Eagles home games will do you in way worse. That’s bad enough, but you really feel your soul leave your body when you swipe the card to eat at halftime. A very solid $12 slice of pizza and $14 beer makes you regret every time you ever spent a dime in your life. There is only one beautiful, wonderful, massive saving grace.

Dollar.

Dog.

Night.

Let me tell you. Dollar Dog Night has saved my ass more times than a donkey veterinarian. It’s nuts. It’s angelic. I have eaten nothing short of a shameful amount of Dollar Dogs in my lifetime. It’s the difference between taking out an extra mortgage and checking the couch for quarters. It’s the difference between taking a mid-priced Uber home and having to walk 8 hours. It is the life-saving grace of every broke Philadelphian who can’t manage to value their financial security more than some big boys in green. Dollar Dog Night IS Philadelphia. It’s what we want. It’s what we need. I dream of a world where every night, I can spend less than $10 and disgust myself with my newest hot-dog-based rock bottom. It’s an experience that can’t be replicated. It’s the one night where every person in the arena, no matter how many zeroes are on their paycheck, is full, happy, and satisfied. It’s a night that turns the (allegedly) hostile Philadelphia crowd into spectators of the opera. It’s like three United Nations mixed with two hundred rainbows and uh, a lot of pigs. There is nothing more pure in this world. 30 Rock’s Tracy Jordan once said to “Live every week like it’s Shark Week.” I want to challenge every person in Philadelphia to live every night like it’s Dollar Dog Night.