Awards season is wrapping up. On Sunday, February 24, the Oscars will be broadcast, and many will eagerly await to see who wins the golden statue. But before we look into the future, let’s go to the distant past.
In 1990, one of the biggest box office hits of that year was Ghost, starring Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore. It was beloved by critics and audiences and garnered five Oscar nominations. Its one and only win was Best Supporting Actress, given to a young Whoopi Goldberg. While Ghost was not her first success, this was the film that made her a household name, and turned her into one of the biggest movie stars of the 1990s. Fresh off the success of Ghost, as well as movies like Sister Act and Made in America, Goldberg signed on for a movie entitled Theodore Rex. The film, a buddy cop action comedy, sees Whoopi Goldberg as a cop in an alternate future where humans and dinosaurs co-exist (don’t leave just yet), where she is forced to team up with a talking dinosaur to stop a mad scientist trying to create a new ice age and destroy the world.
I wish I was making that up.
For the producers, I guess it makes sense why they greenlit this. Whoopi Goldberg and dinosaurs were the two most popular things in the mid-90s. But with a premise like that, why on Earth would Goldberg, fresh off such massive success, sign on for such a project? Well, the production, and why Goldberg signed on, is perhaps more interesting than the film itself. Goldberg verbally agreed to sign on for the movie in 1992, when she was attaching herself to as many projects as possible. Soon afterwards, Goldberg very quickly tried to back out of the deal. Unfortunately, producer Richard Gilbert Abramson, best known for his producer credits on the first two Pee-Wee movies, filed a $20 million lawsuit against the actress. Trying to clear things up, Whoopi reluctantly settled and signed on to Theodore Rex, with one condition: Instead of $5 million, her salary was $7 million. So at least she got a little extra coin for appearing in this. To this day, Goldberg mentions that this is the one and only film she ever regrets doing. Considering some of her other works include films like Monkeybone, SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2 and 9/11 starring Charlie Sheen, that’s saying a lot.
To cap off this utter production nightmare was an embarrassing release strategy. Initially, the movie was supposed to open on March 29, 1996 by New Line Cinema. This was perfect, as it would open just days after Whoopi hosted the 68th Academy Awards (ironic I know). But due to disastrous test screenings, New Line knew the film was going to flop in theaters. So, in a desperate attempt to save money, the film was pushed to only go straight-to-video. With a $33.5 million budget, the film garnered the distinction of being the most expensive direct-to-video release at the time.
Having seen the film, Theodore Rex is one of the strangest films I’ve ever seen. I know, a Whoopi Goldberg-dinosaur buddy cop movie is a bit out-there. But it’s not strange in a charming way. It’s an ugly, out-there premise that makes little to no sense and is not very fun to sit through.
For starters: the dinosaur animatronics. When standing still, the titular Theodore Rex (along with the other dinos) looks competent when still, but whenever it tries to move, there are a lot of issues. The lip syncs and mouth movements almost never match up with the dialogue, and Teddy moves very slowly and awkwardly, even when a bomb is about to explode in a matter of seconds. It’s obvious the guy in the suit, as well as the people in charge of his design, did not have the time to make the suit more flexible and easy for the wearer.
All the while, Whoopi Goldberg doesn’t even try to act here. Considering this was a contractual obligation she did not want to do, I don’t really blame her. But it’s hard to get invested in the drama when your lead is clearly just phoning it in. This performance would later see her earn a Razzie nomination, making it the first direct-to-video film to earn any nomination.
Perhaps the worst part of the film is the script. Director and screenwriter Jonathan Betuel has one basic idea, but fails to have any resemblance of world building. It’s explained that the villain of the movie was the one who brought dinosaurs back to life. But why are they now the size of average humans? Why do they talk? Why do they wear regular clothing? The dinosaurs also have some sort of psychic power where they can sense the deaths of other dinosaurs. It’s never explained why and makes absolutely no sense. Whoopi Goldberg’s character also has a prejudice against dinosaurs that’s also never explained. Granted, I probably wouldn’t want to team up with a dinosaur to solve a homicide, but I still need an explanation.
Perhaps the strangest sequence involves Rex and Whoopi going to a dinosaur-only nightclub. Not only does Goldberg get hit on by dinosaurs who have a fetish for “soft skins”, there’s a dinosaur performer with the voice of Carol Kane who sways swoons in a Jessica Rabbit-esque performance. All the while, the dinosaurs moan, groan, hoot and holler in an act. A reminder that this is a PG movie that went straight to the kids’ section of video stores across America.
Add on a subplot about a kid trying to hook up Whoopi with his dad (the dad’s never seen by the way), one of the antagonists being a literal finger puppet and a plethora of fart jokes, and you’ve got a recipe for disaster. Admittedly, it’s a little fun to riff on, but it’s still something that’s only worth watching once, as there are still plenty of dull moments. At 90 minutes, you feel every agonizing second drag, just wishing for the thing to be over. But hey, at least Whoopi got $7 million out of the whole thing, so I guess something good came out of it.
