Tinder is a tool for those looking for a date. That’s what it is in a nutshell.
For those of us juggling work, school, friends, and whatever else life throws at us, it feels like the chance of running into ‘the one’ in the check-out line at Wawa is less than the chance of getting through this semester of college without at least one mental breakdown.
In the name of expediency and convenience, we swipe through Tinder during the only time we have free, the nights when we should probably be sleeping.
At least you do if you aren’t me.
You see, I’m happily in a relationship. A long distance relationship, but still a happy one. I have no need for Tinder. I’m going to let you in on a little secret though… I still wanted to see what all the hype was about. All these things I hear about being ‘super-liked’ and stuff, I was still curious.
And so it begins. One night, my roommates and I were sitting in our living room and they were picking new pictures for their Tinder profiles and jokingly pushed me to make one. One thing you should know, when you tell me to do something because you think I won’t, joke’s on you because I 100% will.
I download the app, make a username and password and that’s it. No 100 questions making sure I’m not a creep or a sex offender, no required format for a bio or rules for photos to post. You just do and say whatever you want. My first thought when diving into the Tinder mind-hole: If there are no restrictions for me, that means there is no restrictions for anyone else…
I found out quickly that this is very true, but more on that later.
I finished the set-up process by picking 5 pictures. I knew that there are specific things that you want your pictures to say about you. You want your pictures to show things like that you are fun, gorgeous, adventurous, and funny. A lot of people pick one category to play up. Since I don’t take a lot of pictures of myself if was hard to find pictures of me instead of cute pictures of cats in planters, but I managed to find 5 that I thought made me look fun and adventurous.
Click update and you’re in. You honestly don’t even need to post photos if you don’t want to.
Now the real fun begins, or so I’m told.
The steps to picking matches:
- Matches pop up
- Judge them by the pictures they post, their age, and if they have a bio/tag line
- Pick X, Like, or Super-like, depending on your judgement
- Repeat for everyone
I go through some matches, often hitting X for many reasons. I don’t appreciate seeing your boobs or tattoos on your ass or you excessively smoking or drinking. That’s not hot nor does it show me that you are a responsible match. One tip if you are struggling to get good matches, re-evaluate your photos. Make sure they actually express you if you are looking for a real connection, otherwise you may end up with people you don’t connect with.
Eventually, you’ll get a match. Meaning that someone you liked also liked you. Now it’s up to you if you want to message them. If you liked them only because they had a cute puppy or really nice abs, it’s up to you if you want to open that can of worms. I know I liked a few of those, and then did not message them or respond if they messaged me. Even on my fake Tinder I have standards.
Flash forward to a good match. A nice, cute, fun, adventurous guy matches with you and messages you (or you message him). In my case it went both ways. I have also been told that it is common to message people with cheesy flirty messages. Mostly mine were cheesy. I picked things I liked from their pictures and messaged them. For instance, one guy took a really cool picture in a kayak and I messaged him about where he took the picture since I am really into travel/outdoorsy stuff. Most often though, guys messaged me something cheesy relating to my bio.
Messaging is the hardest part about Tinder.
Only at this point in the experiment did I start to feel really guilty that my Tinder was fake. Well I guess it was real, but my motivation behind it was totally fake. A lot of the guys that messaged me were actually really nice. Many of them asked me questions about myself and seemed to express genuine interest in me. While that may just be my gullible-self wanting to see the best in people, I was surprised at how nice and cute the guys were. Mostly.
Of course there were the guys who were super shallow and made it very clear they were only interested in one thing wink wink. That was quite uncomfortable. A little hot, but uncomfortable.
As I messaged a few of them back and they asked me to go on dates, after only one message I might add, and my guilt started to bubble over. I spilled the beans that I wasn’t interested in anything with them, being honest because I really am nice and don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. This is where I began to hate Tinder.
They don’t care. The guys that you felt bad for leading them on, don’t care that you aren’t interested and tell them no. They continue to spam your messages and continue to push that no, in fact, you are interested, at least according to them. This is not cool, dudes. If the lady says no, she means no. There are so many more people on Tinder. Tinder is a low risk dating site because you literally know nothing about the person, there is no investment, there is no connection other than being pleased by what they look like. So when the lady says no, just find someone else for goodness sake.
I have always been curious about Tinder and it was really fun to get to explore the kinds of people that are on there. Really cool and interesting people. A lot of them seem kind and genuine and looking for a connection just like everyone else. I felt really guilty for not being real, even though I know a lot of them aren’t being real either.
I’m more of a face to face person though and my experience with Tinder has made me really grateful for what I have. I met my boyfriend in a chance encounter. We went on real dates face to face and got to know each other outside the virtual world that is the internet. We didn’t pick the best pictures of ourselves to share first or open conversation with a flirtatious line we had been composing before-hand. We met, we said hi, we exchanged numbers and scheduled a date. It was real and that’s why our relationship is real. It’s not a composition of text messages where we are both trying to impress each other.
I know it’s hard to believe that you can find someone without the help of the internet and I completely understand the appeal of Tinder, just don’t forget to take a chance with someone you meet face to face sometimes too. At least you know their face isn’t photoshopped then.
