“I need help.”
“Can you help me?”
While these are simple phrases, they can also be some of the hardest for people to say out loud. Even though we’re taught as kids to ask for help whenever we need it, that all seems to go out the window when we become teenagers. Whether it’s societal expectations, personal insecurities, or social anxiety, help can be difficult to ask for. Even after lots of experience, I still find it challenging every time. After thinking about it for a while, I’ve come up with two main reasons why it’s a struggle for me personally.
The first reason is that I’m afraid of appearing weak or incapable. Growing up, I was never the smartest, strongest, or fastest kid in the group. I was always the outsider and nobody saw me as particularly special or talented. So if I get a task done on my own, that means I was strong-willed and able to do it without any outside influence; I was enough on my own.
The second reason is that I don’t want to bother other people or be inconvenient to them. I think this fear is quite common for women specifically. We’re always taught to not make anyone’s life difficult or ask for more than what we’re given. Be seen and not heard. And even though my mom did her best to steer me away from those messages, I subconsciously instilled those negative thoughts in my brain. So, asking for help, especially from people I didn’t know, just felt completely wrong.
Even with these fears, I’ve learned time and time again that we’ll always need help from others.
We’re not just born into the world knowing everything. We’re going to need help solving tasks or learning new things eventually. Also, on a more emotional level, life is crazy, weird, and confusing. There will be situations we don’t know how to navigate alone, and having support from people you trust is crucial.
For me, my loved ones have been a saving grace in my process of learning to accept help. Not only have they supported me in challenging times, but they’ve also helped me find the courage to ask for more help when I need it. For example, in the past few years, I’ve lost a lot of close family members. While my other friends and family were more than willing to offer their support, the weight of that grief was something they weren’t fully equipped to handle. They encouraged me to see a therapist who was trained to handle situations like that, and making that choice saved my life.
All of this to say that asking for help is extremely important. Even when it’s scary or feels impossible, it’s beyond worth it in the long run. Those close to you want to see you thrive and succeed. They can be there to support you, encourage you, or even just hold your hand.
As a final reminder, you’re not being weak or inconvenient by asking for help. You’re being human.
Feature Image by Peri Oberman, via Canva
