I have always been surrounded by hockey. Both of my parents played in an adult league together while they were dating and into their marriage. My younger brother has been playing since he was three years old. For years, we had season tickets for the Hershey Bears, the local farm team of the Washington Capitals. Despite these signs lingering all around me, I felt no pressure to try hockey out for myself.
It didn’t hit me until I was eight that I felt like a sore thumb from the rest of my family. I began to self reflect, curious as to why the rest of my family indulged themselves in this sport. What was I missing? Curiosity finally got the best of me in 2011. One of my favorite teammates from my 9U soccer team began playing hockey during that season. She encouraged me to come to a “Learn to Skate” session, the first of its kind for female hockey players. With some extra encouragement from my family, I gathered all of their extra gear and began to try hockey out for myself.
With the start of hockey came the end of soccer. I had played soccer for a big chunk of my childhood. Hockey had demanded a busy travel schedule, leaving me with a difficult decision to leave the only sport I had ever felt attached to. It almost felt impossible for me to stop playing. I had devoted so much time and effort to the sport, and what was it all for? Well, soccer eventually left my mind entirely. Hockey became the light of my life. I had consistently been a part of great teams where I made so many of my friends today. Traveling to games on the weekends was what I looked forward to throughout my week. I finally felt like I was where I belonged.
My junior year of high school, I had been given the opportunity to play collegiate hockey at Arcadia University, whose inaugural year would be my first year of college. I couldn’t have been more excited, honored, and proud. There were so many things to be grateful for within this decision. The campus was less than two hours away from home, so my family and friends would be able to come see me play. My best friend had committed to the school and hockey team with me, which meant rooming together. Plus, we were starting a program, which etched us into history forever.
In March of last year, my junior season came to an end. One weekend in particular, I had gone home to spend time with my family. The season wasn’t what I had hoped it would be and school was unexpectedly challenging that semester in particular. After a long, thoughtful talk with my mother, I realized that nothing was forcing me to play hockey all the way through. Initially, it had felt impossible to quit. I had to finish what I started and I wasn’t willing to hear everyone’s opinions about quitting.
I would like to revisit what I said about soccer earlier. I had expressed, “I had devoted so much time and effort to the sport, and what was it all for?” following my decision to leave soccer behind. These feelings came full circle after I chose to quit hockey this past year. Instead of reflecting on all the friends and memories I had made, I chose to beat myself up for wasting my time. It took me a few months to realize that I loved hockey, but time was up for me. On the surface, it’s easy to assume that I could have pushed through one more season and finished all four years of collegiate hockey. What most people didn’t experience is practice at 6:30 every morning, games every weekend, travelling that could take up to seven hours one way, missed opportunities to go home for holidays, and lifts, meetings, and team gatherings throughout each week.
Hockey was incredibly good to me. The experiences spanning across my time in youth and collegiate hockey will be carried with me throughout the rest of my life. I learned so many things about the world, other people, and myself. I feel a new sense of maturity this year, without hockey. I was able to prioritize myself and acknowledge that my happiness should not fall at the cost of a sport. This is meant to be fun and enjoyable, and while I’m allowed to have bad days, every day should not feel like I’m dragging my feet just to get by. While I only had one year left to be able to play competitive hockey, it ultimately was not worth it.
This year, I have spent most of my time working a part-time retail job, working extra hard on my schoolwork, and completing an internship with the hockey team. Becoming the social media manager for the team allows me to stay close with the people who have become more like family, but also gives me the chance to enjoy my time and freedom during my senior year. I reflect fondly on my memories having to do with hockey. It gave me so much to be grateful for. I am proud of myself for knowing when it was time to stop. I can confidently say that helping myself out of a lifestyle that was bad for me is the best decision I ever made.
