Recently, I’ve observed that the majority of people, including myself, consistently respond with the phrase “I’m good” to the question “How are you.” Usually, this conversation goes something like “How are you?” and then the other person responds, “I’m good, how are you?” This same exchange of conversation occurs between strangers, say when you are being checked out at the store, and even with friends and family that you haven’t seen in a while. Thinking about this more in depth, I want to attempt to examine why most of our immediate responses when someone asks how we are is to say “I’m good.”
Thought 1: First, I have realized that this exchange of conversation has become extremely impersonal. Especially when the question is asked by a stranger, this question is not really a question. The stranger doesn’t really care about how we are, but the question still is asked merely out of politeness and to seem friendly. It also can be used to recognize someone’s existence, saying “How are you” instead of “Hello.” In this way, the phrase is not one we’d care to expand on in it’s honesty, but one we respond to in effort to return the kind gesture out of courtesy.
Thought 2: This question is just so common and so oftenly said (as is the response of “I’m good”) that we don’t even think twice about answering it another way or elaborating on how we are, even if it is good. Maybe, we will switch it up and say, “I’m fine” but most of the time, you’re not getting anything too crazy, unless you run into someone who loves talking or who’s obviously having a rough time that they can’t deny or cover up by saying that they are good.
Thought 3: We just don’t feel like talking about, addressing, or acknowledging how we really are, much less share that with another person. Instead of making ourselves uncomfortable by reflecting on how we are feeling, we’d rather ignore how we truly may be doing and cover it up by projecting that we are good, and stating this to someone else. Maybe if we tell others that we are good, we will believe we are too.
Thought 4: Maybe we are aware how we are truly feeling, and maybe that might be the very opposite of good, but we don’t want to burden someone else with our problems. Saving their time, thoughts, sympathy, advice, etc. we think we are just doing them (and maybe ourselves if they tend to give advice or thoughts we’d rather not hear) a favor by just saying that we’re good.
Thought 5: We just don’t feel like talking in general. I know I, especially around people I am not close with, have a very short social battery and am more of an introvert than someone who loves interacting with others. Rather than trying to rack my brain to think about something interesting to say or what I should and should not tell someone, I’d rather just say “I’m good” then have to stress and think about making the conversation last or be somewhat meaningful.
Thought 6: If the person who asks the question is someone we don’t like or would rather not talk to (perhaps maybe making you or the situation in general uncomfortable) quickly saying I’m good then walking away or pretending that you have somewhere to go gets you out of a potentially more awkward moment.
These are all of the reasons that I can think of, although I’m sure there are others. Still, I think the biggest reason for our immediate responses of “I’m good” when asked how we are, stem from repetition and the commonality of this exchange. I don’t think this is a problem or something that needs to change. The only instance I think it becomes problematic is if it has completely caused someone to bottle up how they are feeling completely and never discuss or even think about how they are feeling, to themselves or to anyone. I just thought it would be interesting to discuss the possible reasons why. But next time someone asks how you are, if you are ever so inclined, please spice it up, say how you really feel, or tell it like it is. Not only would it keep the conversation real, it would be interesting, meaningful, and perhaps even a conversation that someone would never forget.
