Dear Loners,
Remember when we were picked on in elementary school because we weren’t popular? Because we didn’t have a huge group of friends who invited us over for sleepovers every weekend? Instead we spent our days paying attention in class, or maybe doodling our wild imaginary adventures in our notebooks. We grew up with a few close friends and family members who we relied on along with ourselves. It was safe. We had us.
Then when we reached middle school, we started reading books and playing video games. Maybe we taught ourselves to draw or paint or write stories. We used ourselves for fun. Our resources were only limited by our imaginations. Yeah, we might have been into athletics or choir or some other extracurricular, but we always came back home and needed time to ourselves, time to mull over our day. Time to think…alone.
High school was much the same for us. We had ourselves and a few others. We never let anyone we did not trust close enough to hurt us. We were invited to parties out of pity, or maybe weren’t invited at all. Sometimes it hurt. Sometimes it was unbearable. We thought we’d never amount to anything because we weren’t the “cool kids.”
Sometimes we would be called “nerds” for always having our heads stuck in books. Other times we were called names by people we didn’t even know for reasons we didn’t know. People would pass us and call us “loners.” Life was harsh. Life is harsh.
There were moments when we’d be recognized for something, when we stood out in a good way, and it felt amazing. We’d soak it up, love to be loved, just for a split second, before our introvertedness would come rushing back in. But those moments made us feel icky, too. We didn’t want to be the center of attention, even though it was nice to be noticed for something good.
“Loner.”
We would attend an event alone, maybe because we didn’t want to go with others, maybe because someone else bailed. We would get ice cream alone and read a chapter or two of the book we were really into while we waited. We would go on walks alone because sometimes keeping up with a conversation is just too goddamn hard.
“Loner.”
We’d hang out with friends and silently wish that we were home. Maybe it was anxiety, maybe it was boredom. We would zone out, nodding along to our friends without actually listening because our brains were too focused on when we were going to have time alone.
“Loner.”
Countless hours were spent in our bedrooms finding new music, trying to play the guitar, creating fantasies in our minds, and soaking in the time we had by ourselves before it was interrupted by errands or responsibilities or company.
“Loner.”
Well guess what? We are loners. And it’s perfectly okay to be a loner. In fact, being a loner has aged pretty well in 2020.
We’re at an advantage in this chaotic pandemic brought to us by COVID-19. Social distancing, though annoying when enforced, has been our way of life. We have been waiting for this moment for as long as we can remember! All of the times we were made fun of, all of the times we got weird looks, all of the people who avoided us because we were quiet; it was all worth it. Here we are, surviving this quarantine, because we trained ourselves how to live like this.
So to all of my fellow loners, pat your past-selves on the back because we were ahead of the game. And to everyone else… Godspeed and welcome to the Loner’s Club.
Sincerely,
A Fellow Loner.
