October 11th is widely recognized as National Coming Out Day, a day where members of the LGBTQ community can celebrate the moment where they ‘came out’ of the closet—referring to opening up about their sexuality or gender to those around them—and show pride in their stories. The reactions to these admissions vary from person to person, but all are filled with emotion and bravery. I collected coming out stories from multiple different people, anonymous and otherwise, to share how difficult these moments can be, but also how rewarding.
Karter E
So mine is pretty simple. I also have two. With being gay: I always thought that I was bi throughout middle school and most of high school. The summer before my senior year I came to a realization that I have no interest in men. so I came out as lesbian to family and friends. My family is very accepting and there’s plenty that are also part of the lgbt+ community. Figuring out my gender identity was a bit more isolating honestly. I only knew one other person who wasn’t cis. When I started college last year, there was a much bigger community of people that I connected with. I told a few friends and some family that I was questioning my gender identity and was trying to figure out labels and pronouns and stuff. I had so much support through all of it. I went through multiple sites trying to find a good fit for a gender neutral a name. once I found one and started going by it, it boosted my confidence by a lot. In june I officially came out as non-binary on all social media’s and told everyone else that wasn’t on social media. Being able to be out and supported honestly helped me through the whole process. I’m grateful to have such a good support system.
Kat C
I first realised I had a crush on my best friend, a girl, when I was 12. I was super embarassed about it, I didn’t know much about LGBT other than that gay people and lesbians exist. I didn’t even know there was such thing as transgender. So, when I figured out that I had a crush on another girl, I thought I was weird and even more of a freak than I already was. I started dating guys. Basically any guy that had asked me out I’d say yes to. They’d last between a few days to two weeks and the entire time I felt really empty and confused. As I got older and got over my original crush, I met someone who talked about LGBT often and seemed to know alot about it. She was the one to really introduce me to the whole community. I came out to my friends as bisexual as a 14 year old in 8th grade. A few months later I started dating a guy.
Haley F
Well, on Christmas Eve of 2019, I was with my best friends family, as I considered them my family as well. We were all joking around and we were talking about my 2 best friends being gay who happened to be brothers. My one friend made a comment about me “being an ally” and I was like honestly I just really like women too and it was silent for a second and everyone went “yeah we know” LMFAOOOO and they said I radiate bi girl energy so…
Anon
My parents told me they knew I was gay because my dad got playfully mad at me that I’d wash my girlfriend’s car but not his.
Emilia H
My coming out story is definitely one of those memories I look back at, and immediately cringe now. I laugh it off, because it helps me cope with the trauma I still carry now. I was outed by a member of my church, who got access to my second Instagram account where I often posted direct proof of me saying I identified as a lesbian. I still remember having to rush out of my 3/4 English class, in tears and in absolute fright of what my family and friends would say to me when they found out. It was the worst experience of my life and I don’t wish it upon anyone, because being outed and forced to come out on somebody else’s terms is such a humiliating experience. That was back in 2016.
Present day, I now identify as a bisexual woman and have a lot of trouble relating to people in my community. I hate making my sexuality part of my character, and I hate telling people simply because I’m scarred from past experiences. Of course, I love the LGBT community and I’m proud to be identified with such understanding people. However, I’m just one example out of many teens who struggle with fully committing to this label. It’s embarrassing having to hide who I am for the most part, but I also prefer it that way for now.
Lex H
So my junior year, I came out to my sister on National Coming Out Day. She was the first one in my family to know because I was terrified of my mom. We grew up very religious and I had a lot of fear centered around that. Then the beginning of June 2019, pride month, I started talking to a girl and I saw it going somewhere so I came out to my mom like 8-10 days later via a poem I wrote. I knew I had to do it because I never got the chance to come out to my dad and I regret it often. She was super accepting at first but once I started officially dating that girl she became kind of passive aggressive towards the whole situation but she has gotten a lot better over the last year with it.
Christine S
So, I’ve known most of my life that I was attracted to girls and I thought it was just a phase. Growing up when I was in high school, I kissed a couple of my friends it just felt right; it didn’t feel weird or anything. So I finally came to realization when I was 17 that I was gay but I didn’t come out until I was 22. Because it was so hard only but a couple of my friends new I liked girls, but not my family. When I told my family, my mom and my siblings were super supportive but my grandparents weren’t as supportive and that’s okay, they can’t stop me from who I truly am. I’m so glad I did come out so I can truly be who I am.
Anon
I knew for about two or three years before I came out to anyone, I figured it out when I talked to other girls and they didn’t like, think about girls the way I did (I know that’s dumb but I’m serious). I had a lot of internalized homophobia because I was unfortunately one of those people who didn’t believe being bisexual was a real thing and that I was lying to myself. It was kind of a rough time for me. The first people I came out to were my friends from middle school. We were in the kitchen at 3 am and I said “yeah I like girls” like a joke, not with any intention to come out. My one friend said “wait, really?” And I paused to a minute, and said “yeah, I’m pretty sure”. They were obviously ok with it, and the night went on. I cried the next day when they left because I never realized how scared I was to tell anyone, and I was frustrated that it took me so long to realize. I came out to my mom two years later, had to scream it at her cause she didn’t buy it, but she’s a lot better now.
Taylor C
I always knew that I loved girls. I could never see myself with a guy, but when I was younger, that’s how all girls were: boys had cooties. But I was ten years old when I truly knew that I was a lesbian. I was in love with my best friend (what a cliche), and knew that what I felt for her was not just intense friendship, but something more. I didn’t officially come out until I was twelve though. I was in the car with my two sisters and my mother, when I randomly said, “Guys, I’m gay.”
No one said anything for a bit.
My older sister was not the kindest for a while. She made fun of my hair cut, called me slurs, and made rude comments. But today, she is one of my biggest supporters. My younger sister didn’t fully understand what it meant until very recently, but has always been very understanding about it all.
My mother is who scared me the most. I loved her more than anything, and if she couldn’t accept me for who I was, I didn’t know what I was going to do. That day in the car, she paused for a very long time, before calmly saying, “Honey, I carried you in my womb for almost ten months. I know everything about you, I’ve always known, and more importantly, I’ll always love you.”
That same year, she took me to my first pride parade.
I was blessed to have such a wonderful experience and family for my coming out story, as I know that not everyone has that. I’m happy and comfortable in my identity to this day, and will forever be thankful for how accepting those I love are.
Anon
When I came out to my parents as trans, it seemed okay at first. They were a little off-put, but nothing too extreme. Then things started getting worse. They would make nasty, backhanded comments about the community and refuse to call me by my correct name and pronouns. I was told that they couldn’t love me as “I thought I was” and that me being trans was a phase. When I finally stood up to them, I was kicked out. Literally, my father’s foot at my back, pushing me out of the door. I now live with my older cousins, who have been taking me to therapy appointments and helping me through my transition.
It’s been six years. It’s still not a phase.
Schae
(These are pieces of a collection he wrote on his experience.)
Confession
I like boys and I know it
But maybe I like girls?
At least to have a getaway
If it turns out I’m wrong
Now that I know
Who should then know it?
No one for know
Because I can’t defend it.
I’ll just stay quiet for know
I’d hate to upset them
My parents who already
Have so much to deal with
I’d hate to bring it up
After I’d told them I’ve changed
Or is it more so I’m afraid
They’ll never treat me the same?
Thank you for giving me the space to revisit these memories, some of which are still pretty hard to think about. It truly gave me some space to visit how I felt about these instances then, and how I feel about them now. I felt like an outsider for so long of my life. I wanted so badly to be the normal, perfect, Christian boy. It took a long time, but I learned that people like that only exist in fictional stories. While I may still deal with feelings of being an outcast, I’ve never felt more alive or happy then I do now. The God I believe in is no Victor Frankenstein who abandons his creation, but one who loves me for who I am and is willing to stick with me for the rest of my life. Thankfully my story was not lined with horrible tragedy and an unhappy ending.
A heavy end to things, but these stories do not all have happy endings. Acceptance is becoming more common these days, but that does not make it the norm, or to be expected. Coming out is an extremely difficult thing to do, and on days like October 11th, it is a wonderful thing to celebrate those tough decisions, because showing the world who you truly are is a beautiful thing.
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Featured image by Jiroe via Unsplash
