Around 2021 or 2022 I started to see the term “peer reviewed autism” a lot on social media. The term refers to when people around you, especially neurodivergent people, recognize the traits and behaviors of autism and essentially go “yeah, probably”. This is absolutely in no way shape or form medically or psychologically sound reasoning as self diagnosis is an incredibly slippery slope, but it can be incredibly validating or helpful for people who don’t have access to a diagnosis or accommodations. Especially when considering the underdiagnosis of autism in AFAB (assigned female at birth) people. To summarize this Psychology Today article, young girls don’t present autism the same as young boys and because diagnostic tests and criteria for autism are based on the behavior of young boys, girls’ symptoms are often overlooked. That underdiagnosis paired with the spotty diagnostic criteria for teenagers basically means many autistic teenage girls are fucked if they want accommodations.
In my experiences, peer reviewed autism has come up quite a bit. The idea more than the term started to crop up for me when my mom told me she thought I had autistic tendencies when I was little. Seeing as she did this over breakfast with a lot of my extended family, I thought it was a funny little story to tell my friends, but when I did that I got more “Oh, I kind of see that” than chuckles. That reaction got me thinking about it and I realized that a lot of the tendencies my mom talked about really didn’t go away, I just started hiding my reactions. Instead of breaking down when I was having a problem with a texture or a sound, I would just zone out or try to internalize whatever reaction was brewing because I didn’t want people to think I was weird. This is called masking!
It’s come up significantly more after I started college since I’m living with people that aren’t my immediate family, so what comes off as a quirk to them is more of a “what’s up with that?” here. I also can’t really yell at someone because I took a joke the wrong way if it’s not my sisters. It’s been really weird not having an explanation for why I ask so many questions about tone or why driving a car is so hard for me or why I can’t verbalize a lot of bigger feelings or why I pace so much. Even if I didn’t feel the need to explain that to other people, it’s just a weird feeling to not know why you do something and it often lands me in a “what is wrong with me?” rabbit-hole. When I do try to explain those “quirks” to other people, especially people with diagnoses of autism or ADHD, more often than not I’m asked if I’m autistic. Sometimes I don’t even need to say anything, other people will just clock certain mannerisms or behavior and ask.
Having those experiences doesn’t make me 100% comfortable with saying I’m autistic, though. I still feel like I need a sort of addendum or caveat because, no matter how many people validate my thoughts or tell me I don’t need a diagnosis, I still feel like there’s a margin for error. I’m a goddamn English major, what do I know about diagnoses, really? Maybe it’s something else with similar symptoms, or maybe I’m just a little weird sometimes, who knows? Probably some sort of clinician, but only God seems to know where to find one that’s qualified to diagnose a 19 year old.
If I had a term like this in middle school, or even in elementary school, I think I would’ve felt considerably less weird. Being able to communicate that my “quirks” weren’t something I had control over or fully understood myself instead of having to search for an explanation of why I did or needed those things. I also think if I had the language to communicate that, whether it be with friends and family or with my schools, I would’ve had a much easier time setting boundaries without feeling bad about it or getting accommodations that were actually helpful.
Featured Image via Julian Kücklich, WikiMedia Commons
