It’s okay, we know it wasn’t really a choice. You took on too much this year and it’s finally catching up to you, right? It happens to the best of us. You could’ve been looking for things to do, or trying to make friends, or maybe you wanted to feel like you were a part of something. Maybe all of that. Well, did you find what you wanted?
You think about that question for hours. It sticks to the back of your mind like bubblegum under a desk. You work diligently all day and you complete a few tasks. Pride fills your body momentarily and you smile to your checklist. That smile quickly fades as you scroll through seemingly endless unchecked boxes. It’s been hours and you’ve barely put a dent in the work. The question floats back to the front of your mind. Did you find what you wanted?
You temporarily answer it with a hot cup of coffee. Something about the warm bitterness soothes your aching mind and postpones the introspection. You’re okay again. Back to work.
You’re running out of fuel again. The record player in the corner sings static into your room. You should’ve flipped the record an hour ago. You flip it now. While walking back to your desk, you trip over a laundry basket filled with clean clothes. It doesn’t hurt, but you want to cry anyway. You get up, brush yourself off, and get back to work. It doesn’t take long for your eyes to get heavy.
A thirty minute power nap can’t hurt. You set an alarm and close your eyes. Words dance across the insides of your eyelids, posing questions you don’t want to answer. Did you find what you wanted? Was it worth it? Are you happy?
Needless to say, you don’t wake up feeling rested. You’re tired. But your 30 minutes is up. So, you get back to work. Your weary mind coughs up just enough words to keep your work afloat. You coast through the next few hours, eyes glazed over and brain on autopilot until there was no light outside your window. At least now you can sleep. For real.
Your dreams don’t taunt you with loads of questions this time, you have an answer to all of those, even if you don’t think so yet. There’s just one lingering thought when you wake up the next morning for another day of work:
What are you going to do about it?
