The older I get the older I feel. Upon entering my 20s, I noticed most of my peers were sad about entering their new decade, as it signified the death of the teenage dream and the genesis of adulthood. Their woes are almost comical in retrospect, as most of them still lived with their parents, and hated their middle and high school years, leaving little to be desired from their teen years. If you’re 19 years old and worried about impending adulthood, fear not. While every college student might feel like an adult, just remember so does every small child with a lemonade stand. Doing adult things does not make you an adult, and although you’re free to try, acting like a child works the same way.
A chronic contrarian, I was elated to enter my 20s and leave behind an era that is only a good experience on paper. Teenagers have the unenviable task of navigating the world with no driver’s license, no right to intoxication, and little to no prefrontal cortex, yet those years are unanimously considered “the best years of your life.” No good year is one in which I do geometry for even one minute, so at least a few of my teen years are out of the running for the title. I felt like leaving behind my endless teenage years was entering the best time of my life. Considering how long it felt to go through my teen years, the first few months of my 20s were already better than the first several decades of my teen years. My teen years were the standard-issue, self-absorbed melodrama that has become the true rite of passage for the American teenager. I wasn’t captain of the football team and dating a cheerleader, and I certainly didn’t make a group of eclectic and life-changing friends in detention. Like most things in life, teenhood is boring, and a huge let down when compared to the movies.
No longer do teenagers go to the dance with their sweetheart or just wait for school to end so mall shopping can begin. Sure, teenagers as a group are as frivolous as ever, in fact teenagers are the most frivolous investment a parent can make, but the romance of the teen experience is over. Teen years are forever romanticized and rarely live up to expectations. If you think you lived the ideal teenage experience, you might be content but you’re certainly a minority.
Since Romeo and Juliet, culture is forever obsessed with adolescence and teen emotions, an example of adults shamelessly pining for the carefree life of a teenager. As if being 16 is really all that interesting. A 16-year-old has only lived enough years to start forming interesting anecdotes, which is a far-cry from interesting conversation. Ask them to form an actual story, and after your 5th minute of dissociation you’ll know what I mean. We depict teenagers as being carefree and unlimited, even though most teenagers spend their time waiting for carefree fun to begin (or to turn 20, whichever comes first). Although our obsession with youth being “fun” is disappointing while enduring teenhood, it has an even more dreadful effect on adults.
Looking at the never-improving, always-nightmarish landscape of TikTok, there is no shortage of age regression that goes on among adults of all ages. Whether they’re telling each other about which TV shows to watch, what music to listen to, how to dress, or which slang to use, adults on social media are dogs without horses, bringing out the worst in each other and encouraging an unhealthy nostalgia for youth. Unless you are currently sixteen to twenty-four, you are not like Maddy from Euphoria, you are like Amy Poehler in Mean Girls. Constantly arguing about what’s cool and what’s cringe, teenage adults can typically be found in the battle for fleeting youth. Even the endless cultural bullying that goes on between Gen Z and Millennials is like watching the two youngest siblings argue over the last piece of Halloween candy, with both generations ridiculing the other to fight for the scraps of youth. I say this having participated in the brawl many times, and I’m still fighting for that candy.
It seems like a trap that no one can avoid, with nostalgia and reminiscence staining adulthood with all the worst parts of childhood. No teenager has ever lived out the teenage dream, and just like most dreams it’s a fantasy filled with nonsense, best forgotten within an hour of dreaming it.
If you think adults like being adults, you are almost definitely a teenager. If you think teenagers like being teenagers, I suggest you read up on Stockholm Syndrome. Teenagers make the best of a bad situation; while the turbulence of adolescence is necessary for developing minds, it’s a phase I’d rather leave in the past. Every day of high school I had to wake up at 6:00 in the morning to be up-to-the-minute on time for school. As an adult, 6:00 is a time that I only see on my way to a red-eye or hear in the stories of my pain-gluttonous friends that choose early classes. I can assure you that 6 a.m. makes a better bedtime than morning alarm, and for that reason alone, I’m happy to be in my 20s.
There’s no reason for this age regression other than fear of aging, which itself is a fear of dying. If you are an emotional man in his late 20s, you should not be relating to young female pop stars. This is one of the hallmarks of age-fearing men. You are not “just like” Olivia Rodrigo, you are “just like” Madeline Ashton. That being said, just because you’re older than 19 does not make you Methuselah, it makes you part of the majority. If even 19-year-olds are afraid of aging, we’ve somehow gone awry. Thirteen to nineteen is the age where every person is at their worst, both in mental health and in conversation. Being in your 20s has its turbulence, but at least you can cope with it legally.
If you’re a teenager looking to grow up too soon, just remember the sagely advice from 1988’s Heathers, “When teenagers complain about not being treated like adults, it’s because they are being treated like adults.” Enjoy these years for what they’re worth, but know that leaving them behind is the right thing to do. As for those adults looking to act like children to chase their fleeting teenage years: it’s okay to reminisce on the past, just avoid reminiscing on ages that start with 1.
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The Smoking Section is where I observe the world at large, and put a magnifying glass on a subject we all hold dear to our hearts. As a member of Gen Z, I think it’s important that we take a step back and remember that life is not that serious, and no topic is too good to ridicule. In the Smoking Section, we take a step outside of the party for a breath of less-fresh air. Here if you don’t have anything nice to say, pull up a chair next to me.
@schmidtconrad
