Warning: Spoilers abound
Frozen yogurt isn’t that great. It’s not amazing but it’s not the worst. Still, every couple of months, I am called to a frozen yogurt joint via some type of dog whistle that no one else can hear, something inside me that says, “Hey. You love frozen yogurt. Remember?” And I schlep over and I swirl some ghastly combination of flavors into an oversized cup and I pour everything that looks good on top of it: mini M&Ms, pieces of Kit Kat, is that Reese’s? Let’s throw on a strawberry for good luck. Like a fool, I pay money, sit down, and eat half of it, and then I remember that I am not good at mixing flavors, I do not like frozen yogurt, and I am in fact lactose intolerant.
So the frozen yogurt thing should have been my first clue.
I’m assuming that you, reader, have already watched The Good Place and that’s why you’re here. If you haven’t watched it then please, close this window and go to Netflix and watch it. Then come back. I’ll even let you skip the frozen yogurt paragraph the second time.
The fact that more and more frozen yogurt spots are opening up throughout America, coupled with the realization that the Hellmouth is not in California but is actually situated beneath Washington, DC, and has been barfing out evil – and stupid – policy ever since it opened up on January 20, 2017, should be a clear indication that we are in the Bad Place.
We’re not in the Medium Place. We’re not in the Good Place. This is, definitely, the Bad Place, and we’re stuck here until we die; at which point we will (insert your personal belief system re: the afterlife here).
So let’s get to work! Eleanor decided to become a better person so she could belong in the Good Place. She decided that…a lot of times. And it’s valid. And it drove her crazy. As the penultimate episode in this season pointed out, the motivation behind Chidi, Tahani, Eleanor, and Jason improving themselves was so that they could go to the Good Place. Which is great for them! (Except they probably will never make it to the Good Place because this is television but it’s fine because the Good Place was the friends they made along the way and all that jazz).
But what about us? We’re stuck down here where things are, decidedly, really hard, bad, ugly, and we keep on eating frozen yogurt even though we don’t like it that much and we’re lactose intolerant. Sure, we have Beyonce and John Mulaney and golden retrievers. We have camping and stars and the continual waves of the ocean. But for the foreseeable future, politically, culturally, and environmentally speaking, we’re kind of stuck in the Bad Place. Being tortured by whatever the news cycle or the sky can whip up for us (hello, tornadoes, I respect you and am rightfully terrified of you). How do we find the motivation to be good people, study philosophy, create things, and help people on the side of the road whose cars have broken down when we’re being slapped from all sides with the reality that hey, if you stop for some guy on the side of the road he might rape you, all the movie stars you thought you loved are also rapists, and the President is a rapist too! What you thought was the Good Place is the Bad Place.
How in the face of all that do we pull our car over and take our chance being a good person? Is there even a point to self-improvement if you’re already in the Bad Place? All white people are racist. Congratulations if you’re a white person, you’re racist. You can accept it and try to improve upon it and atone for something or everything – or you can refuse to reflect, improve, adapt.
I think the key comes in the fact that we’re all here together. All of us are in the Bad Place, maybe for whatever shit our former selves pulled one dimension over. I hope it was worth it. So we’re here, stuck, and there’s really no hope of ever being in the Good Place because even if we can turn the Bad Place into something better, it’ll take generations and we might start by lifting a stone, slowly, but the cathedral won’t be built until we’re long dead and by that point we won’t have a say in what god anyone prays to.
As long as we’re here, though, you can look to your right and left. Maybe somebody’s been crushed by a stone a few feet away from you and if you hurry you can save their life. For the time being. Maybe behind you someone is thirsty and you have a full water bottle because you got lucky. You can go over and give them the water bottle so they won’t be thirsty again for a few hours.
Maybe if that moves you enough you can attend a “free water for all” demonstration. You can draft up policy changes and present them to your local representatives. You can supervise water bottle handouts at key areas around the city to give to people as they go off to their cathedral-building, rock-lifting, life-making job where they will, futilely, build something that will hopefully improve everything but will most likely just keep the wheels turning for another generation.
If you don’t feel like bringing babies into the Bad Place, adopt one. I’m serious. You can love anything that breathes and why not love something that’s already breathing and needs someone to love in return? Give your leftovers to somebody on the street. Donate to a GoFundMe or seven. I don’t know, it’s your life.
I guess the whole point is, you’re stuck in the Bad Place whether you feel you deserve it or not. What do we owe each other while we’re here? Maybe you’re a Chidi and you’re Just Trying Your Best. Maybe you’re a Tahani and you got a rough lot in life and really can’t be blamed. Maybe you’re a Jason and you’re just…not that smart. Maybe you’re Eleanor and you’ve been a real, genuine dick.
No matter who you are, the answer to the question is always the same. I think we owe it to each other not to make the Bad Place any worse.
Anyway, watch The Good Place seasons 1 and 2 now streaming.
