I have a brother named Junebug. Well, his name isn’t really Junebug. It’s actually Felix. Which is our father’s name. The funny thing about that is, 3 of my brothers are named after my dad. Which means we have 3 different Felixes in the family, and we needed to differentiate them somehow.
One brother we call Felix, but in Spanish, which sounds more like “Feh-lee.” So, a totally different name. The other one, I’ve never met so that makes it easier. The last one was Felix Junior, but that quickly evolved into Junito. From there Junito became Junebug, and somehow that stuck.
Including the Felixes, I’m the youngest of 7 siblings. Being the youngest isn’t always easy, and in my case that also meant I was an uncle since birth. By the time I came around, everyone was already grown up. There is a 13 year age difference between me, and the sibling closest to my age. This meant that all of my siblings had kids, grandkids even. This is because many of my siblings are half-siblings. And did I mention that my father was 50 by the time I was born?
Nevertheless, Junebug had a wife and 2 sons when I met him. From the start, Junebug has always been there for me and there was no denying that he was family orientated. He included me in many outings with his family. His wife treated me like her own, and their sons showed me the heavenly joy of dunking Oreos in milk. I always had fun at their house, it was the equivalent to going to “grandma’s house” for the weekend.
Eventually, when my father passed away, I started finding comfort in Junebug’s face. He looks just like my father, just taller. Before I knew it, I began to admire him as if he was my father. He’s everything I wish I could be, and I try really hard to make him proud.
He’s always supported my education. From buying uniforms, and backpacks to picking me up from school. When I transitioned to college, he bought me dorm essentials and new clothes and shoes. These were all things that I hoped to do with my father, but I’m lucky to have experienced at all. He provided stability in ways I couldn’t get elsewhere, and I don’t think he even knows how much I appreciate all he’s done for me.
Next thing you know it’s my last year of college, and as I mentioned before many of my siblings are half-siblings. That being said, it comes to light that Junebug’s mother passed away. Given the news, and especially now that I’m older, I wanted to do what I could to support him. So I told him we should hang out more! Next thing you know, I’m headed to his house for dinner.
Everything was great, I really enjoyed hanging out with him and his wife. They’re amazing people and my nephews are a lot older. Junebug now has 3 sons, and the youngest is now 12. How time flies. Unfortunately, during one particular conversation, everything went south.
Junebug was asking how my mom was doing, and I updated him on all the good things. Being in my last year, my mom was supporting me in many ways. She helped me study abroad in my final semester, she assisted me in finding and furnishing an apartment, and she was making the final payments on my tuition. I owed her a lot. Which was a little tone-deaf when your brother’s mother recently passed. Though it didn’t stop there!
Junebug listens to me talk, and then tells me that I’m lucky to have a mother who does so much for me. I agreed, and insensitively responded. I told him that not many people have mothers, and I’m trying to be as grateful as I can be.
He didn’t respond, and changed the subject. We never spoke about this moment. It keeps me up at night.
If you’re wondering why I said that, I don’t really know. Given that my dad passed away at an early age, I try to be grateful for the parent I have. I think I was trying to say something along those lines, but ended up failing miserably. It bothers me that I could’ve possibly bothered him. I look up to him so much, and making him upset would be my worst nightmare.
I hope one day I can ask him about it. Though for now, I’ll just ask him if I can come over for dinner again.
Featured image by NADER AYMAN on Unsplash.
