Oh, braces. Most of us have had them in some form or other in our lifetime. Whether it was Invisalign, retainers, head gear, or the old school metal kind, it sucked. I remember being a kid and thinking that braces and glasses both looked really cool and would be super fun to have to wear. And damn, was I wrong. I would like to premise this by saying that it wasn’t my fault that I needed braces. It was my parent’s. A lot of people don’t know this, but a lot of dental things are genetic. So, the gap between my front teeth that I inherited from my mom and the missing lateral incisor that I got from my dad are not on me.

I always knew I would have to get braces someday after watching my older brother spend years on his own journey to perfect teeth, which he has yet to achieve at age 24 (no shade). I got my braces put on in the January of 7th grade and immediately regretted it all. Yeah, you get to pick two colors to accessorize the metal gear in my mouth, but the negatives much outweighed the lone positive. Here’s a list of just some of the reasons why braces suck:

  1. They hurt. The metal pokes your gums and the wires make it feel like your teeth are being squeezed by pliers.
  2. The wax that they give you to help protect your gums from getting poked doesn’t even stay on.
  3. There are so many amazing foods you aren’t supposed to eat. Gum, popcorn, apples, and caramel are all on the no-go list. (But if you’re anything like me, you ate them anyway).
  4. The foods you are allowed to eat get stuck in the brackets and it’s not cute.
  5. The rubber bands you have to wear to correct an overbite are uncomfortable, awkward, and also kind of gross.
  6. You can’t smile with your teeth because it looks weird and also cuts your lips a little bit.
  7. Once you get them off, you still have to wear a retainer. And I think you might have to wear it forever? I don’t really know because I stopped wearing mine.
    1. If (or more likely, when) you stop wearing your retainer, your teeth will shift and then you have to go right back to square one.

I had braces for two and a half years and was so excited to get them off the summer after 9th grade. But then I had to get a permanent retainer behind my two front teeth to keep the gap from coming back. One day in 10th grade when I was in math class, a Jolly Rancher took that sucker out. I got it fixed, but when it broke again, my orthodontist said fuck it. So now I have a little gap between my two front teeth, but I think it’s cute.

My orthodontic journey was a lot more intense than others because of my missing teeth, but it finally ended this past summer. At 21 years old, my teeth are finally the way they are supposed to be. I would say it was worth it, but let’s be honest, perfect teeth are overrated. And if you think otherwise, bite me.

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