So I went to Chill On The Hill. I didn’t like it.

Before I share my experience, though, I should preface this by saying that I take full blame for why it ended in disappointment. Make-your-own-frozen-yogurt places never ever work out for me. And I really should know better than to try them.

Simplicity is not my strong suit. I over complicate and overthink every decision I make—even a decision as simple as choosing ice cream. So as soon as I saw the silver pump thingies, I knew it was going to be a rough evening.

First of all, the cup they make you start with is huge. If you filled it up, it could feed a bear. I think the idea behind it is that people can fill it up as much as they want—and for the human with self-control around food, this kind of system probably works out great.  But I am not that person.

I always, always, always fill up the entire thing. Before I even add toppings. I just cannot figure out how not to. It’s like the cup is asking to be filled to the brim. So there’s that. I also think at least part of the blame is the machines themselves—they spurt out icy goodness faster than my sister can figure out idioms.

Second, there are so many flavors and they aren’t even that great. But for some reason, I feel the need to mix in at least three flavors. More often than not, I choose flavors that do not go well together.

That’s the other thing that annoys me. There’s a reason we pay ice cream people to make ice cream. Because they spend their lives figuring out what flavors go well together. I prefer not to spend any time doing that. So why should I have to pay extra to do more work? It makes no sense.

But complaints about the general concept of a pay-by-weight frozen yogurt place aside, here are some specific facts about Chill On The Hill:

  1. They have really cool pun-y pillows. Notice, though, that they are above the actual benches where people sit.
  2. They only take cash.
  3. They sell additional Frozen-yogurt-themed paraphernalia.
  4. The peanut butter ice cream is not real peanut butter.
  5. They use a vacuum to clean off the counter.

(I get that they probably only use it on the counter and not on the floor, but it’s still a little weird, no?)

In conclusion, if you like overpriced choose-your-own-destiny frozen yogurt, this place will suit you fine. As my great-grandpa always used to say with half-hearted emotion, “It’s good for what it is.” And what it is may be chill. I just personally won’t be going back.

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