Welcome to our Expert Advice column, where we gathered a team of Human Experts to give you the very best advice for all of your human problems. This month’s advice is on the subject of letting go of obsessions. If you follow these pieces of advice to the letter, you’ll be obsession-free in no time!**
- Whenever your mind strays to the topic of your obsession, take a cold shower. This applies during school hours too. There’s a reason they have showers in the science labs.
- If you’re obsessed with going to a certain place, the best way to let that go is to lock yourself in your room. That way, you won’t be distracted by whatever place you usually go to, all the while relaxing in the comfort of your own home.
- Set aside a day and binge on the object of your obsession completely. Try to continue with it the next day, and you’ll see you’re good as new!
- If you’re obsessed with something that has a large fanbase, a great way to let go is to head to a convention, or some other similar activity with these people. Try to have really stimulating discussion, it will knock it right out of you in no time.
- If you find yourself being distracted by your obsession, drop whatever you’re doing and immediately find a bottle of tonic water and chug it. The taste will distract you from your passion, and soon enough, whenever you think of your obsession, you’ll imagine the taste of the tonic water, and it will no longer please you!
- Are you obsessed with a certain someone in your life? The best way to get over them is to follow them everywhere they go and document every aspect of their life. They’ll never know, as long you walk softly and don’t leave your flash on. Plus, you’ll find out how boring they really are! It’s a win win.
- If you’re obsessed with your favorite artist, honestly, just cry. You probably aren’t good enough to be in their presence anyhow. There’s no point in being happy. Eventually you’ll get so sad and angry about the fact that you’ll never actually get to know them that you won’t even want to listen to their songs anymore.
- If you find yourself obsessing over a particular individual, take precautions to kidnap them and sacrifice their organs to whatever dark deity you may praise. Be sure to add in lots of snuggles as well. They really love that.
- If you find yourself obsessing over a break-up, make sure to draw your ex’s picture onto the nearest pillow you find. Proceed to take said pillow and cuddle it for exactly twenty-six minutes. Finally, release your hunting knife and stab it repeatedly while you mutter offerings to whatever dark deity you may praise.
