So, being single, huh?
As we all know, Valentine’s Day has just passed. This can be a really fun day for some, and a very lonely one for others. More often than not, I have found myself leaning toward the latter.
I have not been in many relationships, and I sometimes struggle with accepting the fact that that is okay. However, today will not be one of those days.
My last relationship ended almost two years ago. Since then, I have had a few situationships develop and fizzle out while I’ve witnessed many of my close friends find partners of their own. I am very supportive of their relationships, as they and their partners are all really good people. That being said, I have had plenty of days where I have felt extremely lonely and depressed.
I have had days where I have lost hope, and other days where I think something good might be coming around the corner. Through it all, though, I have learned a few key lessons that I think are essential to growing as a person, and, if this applies to you, coming to terms with being single.
When my last relationship ended, I was in the midst of one of the loneliest points in my life. I won’t go into any details, but it was not a fun time for me. After the breakup, my life began to change for the better. I spent a lot of time weighing all of the pros and cons of the relationship, and realized that I was better off without the other person. An important part of dealing with a breakup is taking the time to consider whether you were supposed to be with the other person, and how you feel about your life now that they are no longer there.
After the semester was over, I came home and began to think about how I wanted to spend my summer now that I was single. Would I just mope around all the time and be depressed about losing my girlfriend? No, I was not going to do that. If I did, I would have only felt worse afterwards.
Being single was not all bad—it meant that I could now do what I wanted to do with my life without having to think about how my plans would affect my relationship. One of these things was spending a week at my grandfather’s campsite that July. That was a really peaceful and enjoyable trip, and I greatly appreciated being able to spend that time with him. I love being outdoors, and I also love spending time with my grandfather. Granted, I still would have gone to his campsite even if I was in a relationship, but going on that trip after my breakup was probably one of the best decisions I could have made at that point in time.
Perhaps one of the best things you can do for yourself at any point in your life, single or otherwise, is finding good, supportive friends—people you can lean on for support and joke around with. No one has to go it alone, and no one should feel like they have to, either. If you are able to find even one person to hang out with and open up to, whether platonically or romantically, you are doing well for yourself. Quality over quantity is always better when it comes to social interactions—take it from an introvert like me.
While you are single, think about all of your interests and passions and really hone in on a few of them. Try that puzzle that you’ve had in your closet for six years. Pick up your paintbrush and paint something amazing. Watch that movie that you and your mom said looked good. Whatever it is you’ve been putting off, do it. Do it and don’t think twice about it. If it is interesting to you, then it is worth pursuing.
I already mentioned that I went camping with my grandfather, but one of the other things I revisited was my passion for sports history. I thought about everything I enjoyed about my favorite sports, and I started writing about them again. A little ways down the line, one of my cousins reached out to me and I got a job writing for a football blog; I have been writing for that blog ever since. Had I not taken the time to find my identity after my breakup, I may not have seized this opportunity.
Over the last year and a half, I have rebuilt my social life and reconnected with some old friends. Although I have had my share of lonely days since then, I know that I am not completely alone. Life is not linear, not every day will be a good day. At the same time, though, not every day will be bad. The road of life is one of many hills and curves, many peaks and valleys, and wondering about what is ahead is what makes life worth living.
Even though I am single, I still have a lot to live for. There is a lot more to life than being in a relationship, and I wish I had learned that sooner. I am a mighty one-man army, and I have many things I would like to do in this life, many goals I would like to achieve.
If you are feeling down about being single, I hope this helped, if even a little bit. The storm will not last forever, there will be better days ahead. Cherish your friends, your loved ones, and your pets. Be kind, be funny, and most importantly, be yourself.
Featured image by Patrick Hood.
