It’s the first day of my spring semester. I arrive at my Russian history class, eager to learn about the country’s history from Rasputin to Vladimir Putin. I walk into the classroom and grab a seat at the front of the room. I place down my brand new Jansport backpack and pull out a fresh, crisp marble notebook. I open up the book to it’s first page and stare with the wide eyes of a meerkat, excited to explore new plains.
Then something changes, and I realize I’ve made a mistake.
I freeze, my expression changing from naively animated to distraught.
I’ve forgotten the most important tool for taking notes: my writing utensil.
My comfort becomes stress. I’m doomed. How will I ever take notes in this class, my first class, without my signature writing pencil?!
It’s 12:17. I only have 3 minutes before the class begins at 12:20. In a panic, I scan the room. Most people are on laptops. They won’t give me pencils.
Then my friend Rylee enters the classroom. The game has changed. She grabs the open seat next to me.
“Rylee, I forgot a pencil.”
“Here, you can use this.”
Rylee gives me a utensil from her backpack. I smile, my chest full of gratitude, until I see it.
It’s a goddamned purple Bic pen.
PURPLE? Look, I’m a pretty liberal guy, but using a purple pen in my new notebook on the first day of class just seems like an avant garde invitation to chaos for the rest of the semester.
“I can’t use this, are you insane?”
She takes the pen and puts it away, seemingly offended. How is she insulted? I’m the one who almost had to put purple ink in my brand new marble notebook! Honestly, I should have moved seats after that disgraceful attempt at kindness. You can’t trust anyone, nowadays.
While I was lamenting over the purple pen, two minutes ticked by. It’s now 12:19, one minute until class starts. There I sat, still without a writing utensil, woefully unprepared. Like our founding fathers under the reign of King George, I was left without a tool to voice my thoughts.
Then, like an angel, a young woman next to Rylee and myself heard my quarrels with Rylee and offered me a pen. A black Bic pen.
Thanks to this black pen, I was able to take reasonable notes. However, the truth is, after the class, I had no choice but to rip the page out of my notebook. See, while a black Bic pen is a decent writing tool, there is only one tool truly fit for taking notes: the Ticonderoga #2 pencil.
I have tried quite a few different brands of pencils in my day. While they all have their own individual merits, every single brand has a plethora of problems: Valiant, for example, has a decent writing stroke, but it’s a circular shape, which totally distorts the hand. Its eraser is mediocre at best; Dixon is just a poor man’s Bic; Bic’s lead sharpens in that weird way where one side of the skin always takes over the lead; and Office Depot… Office Depot is fine, I guess. Still, if you’re using Office Depot, you’re probably also the type of person who gets a plain vanilla soft serve and then throws the cone away without even taking a bite.
Now, before I get into why the Ticonderoga is the only pencil that truly exemplifies beauty in the form of lead, I have to address the dysfunctional elephant in the room: lead pencils. Lead pencils are not real pencils. They’re a terminator-esque horrid creation meant to take away all the natural aspects of our lives. Along with that, you have to buy the lead to refill your lead pencils! I don’t exactly know how, but I’m positive there’s a pyramid scheme there. Anyway, if you use lead pencils, you are supporting the mechanization of our human species and I hope you rust in hell with Elon Musk’s robot maid.
What is it that separates the Ticonderoga from all these other #2 monstrosities, you ask? Nothing, really. The amazing thing about the Ticonderoga is that it just does everything right! All these other pencils have errors where the Ticonderoga simply does not. Its lead is strong. It sharpens in a perfect cone, creating longevity and a strong stroke. Its eraser actually erases your words. Its hexagonal structure actually makes me want to take geometry classes again.
As a bonus, it’s a shade of yellow that doesn’t make you want to puke.
When I write with the Ticonderoga, I’m not frustrated at my pencil’s tip or rotating it to try and get my “e”s to have the perfect curve. Rather, I’m simply writing. My pencil is not a hindrance. It is my sword, and I am King Arthur. HIYA!
To bring this tale full circle, I went to another class, armed with my weapon of choice – the Ticonderoga. A young woman approached me and asked if she could borrow a pen or pencil.
I looked her dead in the eye. She looked… Afraid. Her mouth was asking a simple question, but her soul was looking for something more. So, I reached into my backpack and pulled out a crisp, new, sharpened Ticonderoga.
“Here you go.”
“Thanks.”
She kept it cool, but I could tell when she grabbed that Ticonderoga her entire life spirit was revitalized. She knew truth where before she knew only nothingness. I smirked, satisfied with pushing my Ticonderoga agenda.
As the class went on, I watched her write smooth “b”s and powerful “I”s. When class was dismissed, in the rush of our lives, I suppose both of us forgot to take care of the pencil-returning process. She left, probably to hoard that pencil forever.
But it’s okay. Because the Ticonderoga isn’t about selfishness, or pressure. It’s about generosity and helping each other out, in the simplest, yet most perfect way possible. So she can keep that Ticonderoga #2 pencil. Because she deserves it. We all deserve it. In fact, we all might need it.
I am NOT sponsored by Ticonderoga. I am sponsored by the raw love of good handwriting powered by a strong pencil. Who among us hasn’t needed an extra hand every now or then? Next time you find yourself in need, go to Staples, or 7/11, or whatever store sells pencils, and grab a pack of Ticonderogas. Sharpen those babes, and BOOM, you’re revving your engine. This is more than a simple appraisal for pencils. This is a call to action. Do you want to be a lawyer? GO grab your Ticonderoga and study. Then sharpen it again and go take your LSAT! The time for action is now.
Considering ordering expensive food? NO! Go grab a sticky note and write a shopping list, get the food, and make yourself a healthy meal. Worried about death as we must someday all face it and the great unknown? Well, what are you waiting for? Go write your will! Leave your Ticonderogas to somebody you care about. Be your best self, and write your best as well.
I love you.
Featured image credited to David Pennington via Unsplash licensing.
