In Defense of Anything but the Pigeon

Splat! The only thing worse than getting pooped on by a bird is getting pooped on by a pigeon. The flocks of grey and white sky rats always end in doom– globs of white and brown that stick to everything. But poop is not the reason I detest the feathered fiends so much. Rather, it is because of their innate ability to ruin basically everything.

I will never forget the day I was attacked by a pigeon. It was the summer of 2004, and I had just turned six. My family was at the Bicentennial Tower in Erie, Pennsylvania. We were just enjoying the day and looking for those weird frog statues. There I was, minding my own business and eating a PB&J that my mom made me when BAM! I was bombarded. A flurry of feathers. After some screaming, and one missing sandwich, I was completely turned off of pigeons.

My hatred for these beasts does not end there. Oh, no. It goes way deeper than that. So without further ado, here are just a few reasons why pigeons are the Worst.

“Sky Rat” is a Compliment

Let’s compare the common pigeon to any other animal around, shall we?

1. Other birds

I like birds. They’re fascinating to me, so do not think that is why I dislike pigeons. Flight is such an incredible power, and these animals are equipped with it. They often have beautiful colors and patterns decorating their bodies. Their songs are like music (sometimes.) How could you hate them?

I don’t. I just hate pigeons. They might be fairly smart, with brains that work a bit like ours, but so are crows, parrots, ravens, cockatoos, macaws, etc. In fact, they did not even make the list of most intelligent birds.

If birds evolved from dinosaurs as paleontology suggests, I would assume pigeons evolved from the most inconvenient species. They were probably the dinosaurs that flooded the earth with poop and dinosaur trash. Nothing special.

      2. Rats

Don’t even get me started on rats! As a rat owner, I have so much respect for their intelligence and loyalty. Calling pigeons sky rats is a compliment to pigeons and an insult to rats. I will very passionately argue this at any time, anywhere.

First off, rats are infinitely cuter and more lovable than pigeons. Their noses are adorable and can detect so much more than any human or bird. Did you know that 1 out of every 100 genes in a rat’s DNA is involved with olfactory processes? Insane, I know.

Rat noses are more than just cute, though. In Cambodia, large rats are used to sniff out bombs. They are light enough to step on landmines without detonating them, and their cute noses are so powerful that they can smell the mine underground. These rats are trained to walk on leads around open fields and alert the humans of explosives below.

      3. Dogs/cats

I think anyone would choose a dog or a cat over a pigeon any day. Our furry friends are lifelong pals, and we form genuine, loyal bonds with them. They have our hearts and our best interest in mind.

Service dogs save lives every single day. Emotional support cats comfort and calm people. Sure, pigeons can do math, but they can’t cuddle up to me during a thunderstorm, now can they?

Trash Eaters

People find their trash bags ripped open from a night of raccoon fun and get angry, but people also walk by papers, wrappers, and scraps of food on the street and never say anything. Obviously, people are at fault for leaving the litter, but pigeons do not help. At all.

They use their gift of flight to take scraps from the ground and spread them willy-nilly around the area. They don’t care. Whatever they need for a nest or food or whatnot, they snatch. The rest is strewn throughout the streets just like their poop. Filthy creatures.

Color Scheme(rs)

If I could sum up a pigeon’s appearance in one word: ugly. Their muted, dull colors make them blend into the dull, dirty streets and smoke of the city. They often look like they have not bathed themselves in years, and they walk funny. Sometimes you get lucky and see the purple-ish green shiny feathers on the necks/chests of some, but for the most part, they’re just not pretty birds.

Have you ever seen a Macaw?

A bird of paradise?

Even cardinals and blue jays (which are also everywhere in my area) are prettier.

Pigeons really have nothing going for them in the looks department, or any other department for that matter.

The Albatross’ Snack

Many different types of birds have been and are considered symbols in nature. But if we are talking about birds as symbols, let’s mention cool birds. Doves (pretty pigeons) might be birds of peace and represent goddesses, but they are no Albatross. These gigantic birds are fascinating to see and can represent good luck at sea. However, kill one and you just might be the one killed at sea. Imagine having the power to bring both luck and misfortune. Not to mention, they make a great Fleetwood Mac song.

Watch this video. It is so cool.

That is not all though, here are some other symbolic birds that are better than pigeons in every facet of life. (https://mysticurious.com/bird-symbolism-their-meanings)

1. Sparrows-companionship
2. Canary-joy
3. Red cardinal- beauty, nobility
4. Crow-sacred law, truth
5. And finally the eagle- (a better bird of) peace

So basically, pigeons are not beautiful, useful, clean, or all that important. I generally have adverse feelings for things that just get in the way, and these creatures are no exception. It may have been my pigeon trauma, but there is no convincing me otherwise: pigeons are useless.

If you disagree and want to read the other side of this argument, check out In Defense of the Pigeon!