Imagine you had to wake up every morning and hide who you are. Put on a new face, new clothes, and a new personality and lie your way through the day. People know you as one thing, when truthfully, you’re someone completely different. Now imagine that this disguise is heavy, weighing you down as you try to complete your everyday tasks.
This is a reality for many autistic people.
“Masking” is the performance, by a person with autism, of particular behaviors deemed socially acceptable and neurotypical enough, in turn hiding certain autistic traits that could lead to further persecution. Behaviors such as facial expressions, practicing phrases and jokes before saying them, imitating or mimicking the behavior of others, and forced eye contact could all be considered masking. These are things that may not come naturally to people with autism since/because , as a major part of the disorder includess difficulty with social cues and behaviors.
Masking is something that many autisitic individuals do, but women are a higher percentage of this statistic. a higher percentage of those who do are women. Not many women Very few women, at least compared to the number of men, are officially diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). Furthermore, the average age for a diagnosis for women is higher than men. This may be because women with ASD tend to feel the need to mask more, or that common autistic traits are associated with socially acceptable ‘feminine’ traits. Whatever the reason, this does not mean that less women have ASD or share similar experiences with those that do.
Masking is something that can be extremely tiring. Putting on a show for others’ benefit, all while essentially pretending to be someone else, for nearly every social situation, is obviously exhausting. If you have a friend who is on the spectrum, let them know it’s okay to be themselves around you. Giving them a break from masking can be extremely relieving. But, if they do not feel comfortable doing so, do not force it on them. Some of the best things you can do for your friends with ASD is respect their wishes and accept their behaviors as a part of them.
Masking is something that, while sometimes necessary to stay safe, needs to be brought to light. Why? Because it isn’t the autistic person’s job to pretend to be something they’re not. It is not their job to change who they are simply to avoid discrimination. Instead of forcing them to fit in, it is our job to learn to accept and accommodate their needs. This can be made possible by including positive and accurate representation in media, normalizing the behaviors of ASD, and educating the public on autistic issues and common autistic traits. The more we accommodate, the less that people have to mask.
This is not the sole answer, though. Autisic people, specifically women, have trained themselves their entire lives to mask who they truly are. By doing the things listed above, even if we work extremely hard to break the stigma surrounding ASD, it isn’t a cure-all. It does not end the need or the want to mask. And as neurotypicals, it is crucial that this is recognized and respected.
Featured image by Taras Chernus via Unsplash
