As I prepare to leave for my semester abroad to London, I am matched with a complicated flux of feelings. Honestly, I am very happy to have the opportunity to visit a European country, experience a new culture, and take amazing classes across the pond However, I feel nervous about leaving my new friends at my campus in PA, and trying to start over at a completely new school.
I suspect the reason why all of these conflicting emotions are hitting me is due to final exams and projects. Everyone is overwhelmed by them, including myself;and I feel that when the time finally comes when I’ll have the free time to say proper goodbyes, everyone will already be gone. For this reason, all I can really advise myself and others who are going abroad to do is to make the most of these final days with your new peers, and if you can’t find the time to craft a long heartfelt goodbye, create enough fond memories that the goodbyes will speak for themselves.
Now, I can admit this may may seem a little overdramatic. After all, I’m only leaving for a mere semester, right? I’ll be back next fall! While all this is true, I personally can’t break the feeling that when I leave, no matter how hard I try to keep my new friendships and try to cling onto my freshly-made memories, I know that certain things will be left unresolved. For example, I am incredibly happy with the friend group I’ve made in during my first semester in college, , but what if while I am gone, I come back and my friend group is no longer there? When I come back in the Fall, will everyone still be friends with each other or will they have all grown apart? What exactly am I expected to do in this situation?
What about my friend who’s in a relationship with an amazing guy? I love her, but I’ve only ever known her while she was in a relationship. What if when I get back they are broken up, and the person I knew has entirely changed to the point that we don’t even get along anymore?
Of course these are all paranoid delusions about others that most likely won’t happen or affect me nearly as much as I believe they do, but they still don’t break my largest fears of all: What if I’m forgettable? What if I’m missed for a week and then thoughts of me are thrown to the side? What if my friendship is replaced? Or what if my friends are the forgettable ones? There’s really nothing I can do to alleviate these fears, other than enjoy my time abroad and pray that they are just fears and and not accurate predictions of the upcoming reality.
Despite all of these worries, I can’t shake the feeling of excitement about going to London and experiencing something completely new and life-altering. Somehow, below all of the nerves, is the undying idea that I have been blessed with the opportunity to explore myself and the incredible world that we live in. No amount of anxiety can take away the greater feelings of fulfillment and wonder that I feel, as I end one successful chapter in my life and open a new. .
