What do you think when you hear the words “student-athlete”? Model student, stellar athlete, or something a little less sycophantic? Student-athletes might be a lot of things, but regular is not one of them. Leave that to the NARPs.
NARP– or non-athletic regular person– a term used by student-athletes to refer to their peers who don’t play sports. In other words, students who aren’t enrolled in college-level gym class. It’s a term so redundant that I can’t deny a student-athlete came up with it. The first time I heard the term I was in shock at how accurate it was. I personally check every box here. Non-athletic? Check. Regular? Check. Person? You betcha. I’m the quintessential NARP. But what does that mean? Once the initial shock subsided from hearing the word, I was amazed that student-athletes even thought of us. They took a break from their excellence to recognize us Regulars. They notice us! I may not be a student-athlete, but this acknowledgement brings me one step closer to being just like them– something I really aspire to be.
Separating yourself from the rest of the pack is a wise move, especially considering how underrepresented the student-athlete community is, and how downright regular the NARP community is. NARP also implies that athletes aren’t like the rest of us; they’re not regular, they rise above, they just do it. As a regular person, I can’t help but stare, open-mouthed in wonder every time I pass an athlete on the street. My regularity can’t compete with the physical and academic superiority of my athletic peers. Sadly, I’m stuck just cheering in the crowds for their momentous victories.
Student-athletes at bigger universities are just frat boys in training. Their team brotherhood usually turns to Greek brotherhood, and either way I’m crossing the street. At a Division 1 school, student-athletes can get away with anything but murder, try as they will. In my experience at a D1 school, coming to class late, missing class due to practice and sleeping in the front row were all allowed if you were a student-athlete, no questions asked. If points are being deducted for being tardy, but not for being unconscious, I feel like we’ve gone off course.
Although student-athletes provide a campus with so many excellent qualities, such as ticket sales and palpable testosterone, they unfortunately come with a downside. The privileges given to student-athletes are plentiful, including priority housing and exemption from classwork, leaving so many of us NARPs to fend for ourselves. However, I’m one NARP that believes student-athletes don’t get enough credit. Sure they may walk around campus like their name’s on the sign, but for all they do for us Regulars, I think they deserve more. Moving forward I don’t think they should have to attend class at all. Their learning should be confined to their most valuable skill: throwing a ball. In this scenario, they won’t have to worry about pesky assignments, and I won’t have to worry hearing them read out loud in class.
I’ve heard from student-athlete peers at schools across the country some truly irritating messaging that comes along with their title of Superior. Be responsible. The other students admire you all as student-athletes, is one such baffling message I was shocked to hear more than once. I promise after attending a Division 1 school, the only thing I admire about those people is their livers’ capacity to metabolize toxins.
It’s also not uncommon to see students wearing sports jerseys with their classmates’ names on them, a picture so surreal, the first time I saw it I thought it was a joke. Not a very funny one, but a joke nonetheless. If you’re a stranger excitedly wearing a classmate’s name on your shirt in any other context you’d end up with a restraining order. Yet with sports jerseys it hardly earns a second glance.
Sports teach teamwork, but so does a job. Sports get you in shape, but so does the gym. Sports teach students many things, but so does a teacher. There’s nothing you learn from sports that can’t be learned elsewhere, and you have to wonder if the good outweighs the bad. For example, the worst NARPs I know might be sociopathic monsters, but are good in conversation. The best lacrosse players I know might be kind, but tuck their sweatpants into their socks. These things might not seem equivalent to you, but you’re probably just not as regular as I am.
When student-athletes complain about NARPs, it feels like picking on someone much smaller than your own size. I’ve seen many lightly-homophobic stereotypes about NARPs ranging from annoying to boring to lame, yet none of these are absolute. Boring, lame, and annoying people are dispersed evenly throughout the human population, NARP or not. Making fun of a NARP for not liking sports is like a NARP making fun of an athlete for not liking books– it’s just too easy.
It’s hard to feel bad criticizing student-athletes, because I’m categorically punching up. Student-athletes are afforded the creme-de-la-creme of what colleges have to offer, hitting the easy button and oftentimes complaining all the way. I’ve heard a lot of conversations on D1 and D3 campuses about supporting athlete mental health and paying student-athletes. I’m not opposed to either, but more than anything I’m annoyed I have to formulate an opinion on the topic. Scholarships, personal assistants, tutors and academic exemptions are all real opportunities I’ve seen student-athletes be given. Being given an assistant, a scholarship and special privilege but complaining about not being paid is the definition of biting the hand that feeds you. I don’t know a single college student who prefers paying tuition over getting paid for showing up, yet it’s the privileged who demand payment– welcome to the Regular world. We might all be running the same race, but student-athletes hold the starting gun.
I may be a little harsh on student-athletes but it’s not without exception. There are plenty of well-behaved, intelligent student-athletes that break the stereotype of their abundantly similar peers. The worst of them might be an abominable sight to behold, but the best of them can blend in with the rest of us Regulars.
If you’re a student-athlete and you can cohabitate with us Reggos, then congratulations on bridging the gap. I knew they weren’t all bad. To the non-athletes that just want to be left out of the student-athlete conversation, I must say that’s awfully Regular behavior of you. Ultimately, I don’t care about sports, especially when those playing them have to look down from their pedestal when asking me to buy a ticket to their game. Ultimately I go to school because of school reasons, not for recess reasons. Unless I’m writing an article about them, sports just don’t play that big of a role in my life. When asked what I think about them, I paraphrase Whitney Houston: what do I think of them? I don’t think of them. Do you?
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The Smoking Section is where I observe the world at large, and put a magnifying glass on a subject we all hold dear to our hearts. As a member of Gen Z, I think it’s important that we take a step back and remember that life is not that serious, and no topic is too good to ridicule. In the Smoking Section, we take a step outside of the party for a breath of less-fresh air. Here if you don’t have anything nice to say, pull up a chair next to me.
@schmidtconrad
