It’s February. Mid-winter and it’s the perfect time to stay in bed all day and avoid the outside world. The average simpleton will tell you fifteen times a day how much they “can’t wait for summer bro.” Chilling, I know.
A true king or queen will tell you how it really is; cold is the fucking wave. Summer wishes it was as cool (self five for the unintentional pun) as winter. Winter is the time for fashion, without the worry of sweating your ass off, but undeniably ugly sweatpants and sweatshirt fits are also perfectly acceptable. How can you beat that? It’s the time for hot chocolate, beanies, and smoking fictional cigarettes to see your breath in the cold air.
Snow may not come as frequently as we all might hope these days, but one can still hold out hope that millions of perfectly unique snowflakes, reminding us of ourselves, will fall upon us so we can all pretend to be sick, skip work and school to go sledding, or whatever your favorite snow activity may be.
Now try that in the summer. Not only will you look fucking crazy snowboarding in July, minus the snow, but you’ll most likely end up hurt or atleast with some stains on your clothes.
An antisocial person’s dream come true. The cold weather always provides the perfect excuse to avoid all personal contact, and really anything at all. Class? Too cold, I’m staying home. Book due at the library? Too cold, I’m staying home. Casual friend from class in desperate need of help, stranded on the side of the road somewhere? “Aww man, I’m so sorry, you know I’d come, but my car really won’t make it in this weather.” Or in other words, fuck that, it’s too cold, I’m staying home.
If you’re a gym-nut, the cold has got to be your best friend. Not too hot to go to the gym if you’re looking for a good workout. However, if you’re a real person, perhaps too lazy to go, there’s always two perfectly acceptable excuses to skip out on the gym in an instance like this.
- It’s too cold, I’m staying home. (Absolute classic)
- It’s too dark to go out right now. (For the more advanced excuse maker)
What’s better than waking up on a frosty morning and hitting snooze 13 times to stay cozy in bed before you get up to take a steaming hot shower? Definitely not waking up sweating from the early morning summer heat. Now I know what you might be thinking. That hot shower is hot, not cold, completely ruining my argument, but you’d be wrong if you were thinking this. The hot shower feels so good because, brings balance between hot and cold it does, hmm. Boom! Dropping that Grand Master Jedi, Yoda wisdom on you. I don’t make these facts people, I just present them
And that my friends, is why the cold of winter always has been, and always will be superior to the summer heat.
That’s why summer is only like three months, and winter at times feels never-ending.
Imagine that. Perfection.
And always remember people, you never crack open a hot one with the boys…
