“It seems today,
That all you see,
Is violence in movies and sex on TV,
But where are those good old-fashioned values,
On which we used to rely?”
Well, apparently, they are taking over Tik Tok, swarming the site with clips over shitty mobile gameplay of some of the least creative games I’ve ever seen.
That’s right, Family Guy is streaming on Tik Tok.
No, it’s not actually streaming in the practical sense. The episodes are cut into 1-3 minute clips to put into separate Tik Toks, so they’re broken into parts that you have to find on the account. Oftentimes, they will have random cuts in them to avoid copyright issues. Oh, and of course, the shitty mobile gameplay I mentioned before. This is a phenomenon that has taken over many accounts across the platform.
Now, I am not, nor have I ever been, a Family Guy fan. I’ve never really wanted to be one either, it just has never been a part of my personal interests. My Tik Tok for you page back in the early months of the year started to show me Reddit posts over mobile gameplay. Now, these videos I would watch occasionally. I do enjoy an occasional “Am I the Asshole?” post or just a general crazy ass Reddit post. It’s fun from time to time, like a minute long reality TV show that I can’t see and don’t have to get very invested in. I love ‘em.
Then that genre of content started to shift. In April, I noticed that the mobile gameplay was accompanied by Family Guy clips. Like, just ones you’d see in “Family Guy Funny Moments Compilation 6”. Then, they’d start breaking up whole episodes. Sometimes, they’d post clips with no continuation or previous context that had absolutely zero jokes or plot. It’s bizarre.
And it doesn’t stop getting recommended to me. I get an absurd number of Family Guy clips on my for you page every goddamn day. To the point where I get repeated clips and episodes. I can fucking recognize them. Stewie is laying in bed reading Michelle Obama’s book and he gets into a fight with his stuffed bear Rupert? I have seen it more than I have seen my own mother. So, I figured, why not give Family Guy a chance? If I have to see it every fucking day then why not? Why not? Why. Not.
So, I scrolled for a half hour to see what episodes it would give me and I decided to watch whatever episodes I saw. I thought it’d be fine.
I thought it’d be fine.
I got 33 episodes. Not counting the multiple episodes I got recommended to me two times.
That’s more than one Family Guy clip a minute.
I couldn’t do that to myself. Absolutely fucking not. Seth McFarlane fuck off, I won’t do that. So, I narrowed it down to the first 10 episodes it gave me. I watched them and kept track of how many times per episode that I chuckled—by chuckle I mean exhaled sharply through my nose and smiled a little. There was one singular moment in all 10 episodes where I actually laughed. Not like for a long time, but still an actual “haha”. Here are some brief reviews on each episode I watched.
“La Famiglia Guy” S19 E5
Chuckle counter: 2
My review: I didn’t think people still found saying vaguely Italian things and pretending it’s the Italian language was funny, but here we are. I’m not saying that in like a “stop making fun of Italians wahh wahh!!” way, I’m saying it more like that’s a joke I’d make in middle school. I don’t know. Just boring and exceedingly unfunny. I don’t know. I hate Peter, he makes me want to rip my tongue out.
“Candy, Quahog Marshmallow” S14E10
Chuckle counter: 0
My review: I enjoyed the idea of this episode. One of the main characters starring in a K-Drama that they all get invested in and go all the way to South Korea to find the missing last episode? Sounds like a blast! But it wasn’t. Now, I’m white, so I cannot properly comment on the nuances of race and Family Guy’s jokes and portrayal of race. That said, these jokes sound, again, directly out of the mouths of middle schoolers. Seth McFarlane is an adult man writing these jokes. Why do you, as an adult man, feel the need to write jokes like this? Most of the jokes in this episode rely on Korean and general East Asian stereotypes that are just so stupid. You’re making jokes about Asian people eating dogs, Seth? You are an adult. Pay your taxes or something I don’t know. Go outside and think critically for like one second. Your jokes are neither funny nor smart.
“Who’s Brian Now?” S19 E16
Chuckle counter: 0
My review: I don’t remember much of this episode other than “the Griffin family is stupid but Brian the talking dog is smart!!!!”. This episode left no lasting impact on me.
“Vestigial Peter” S12 E2
Chuckle counter: 1
My review: This was one of the better episodes I watched, I think. It wasn’t good, but I didn’t absolutely hate watching it. It was like the equivalent of me putting on a random, nonsense YouTube video as background noise for whatever task I’m doing. It was certainly an episode of a television show!
“Meet the Quagmires” S5 E18
Chuckle counter: 0
My review: Basically the same as the last episode in that I definitely watched it! I certainly consumed the contents of the episode! Yup! Not particularly funny, but eh. Whatever.
“He’s Bla-ack!” S12 E20
Chuckle counter: 0
My review: The audacity. The balls. The absolute gall Family Guy has to comment on the entertainment factor of other shows. This episode is one in which Cleveland, one of the few characters in the show that I can tolerate consistently, makes his return to Quahog following the failure of his solo show The Cleveland Show. I’ve never seen The Cleveland Show, but my roommate Lauren claims it actually wasn’t that bad. I have seen enough of American Dad! to know that Seth McFarlane shows can be more entertaining than Family Guy. American Dad! is by no means a perfect show, but I am more entertained by it than I ever have been by Peter and his dumb fucking family. But for the Family Guy writers to not only start bashing Cleveland and his show for not being funny enough, but to make “self-aware jokes” about the writing of Seth McFarlane did not come off as funny and smart. It further solidified my feeling that Family Guy was not trying to be the best it could be in any sense. I don’t think comedy needs to be smart in order to be good, so in reality Family Guy writers don’t need to try super hard. Hell, one of the times I chuckled at this show was seeing the caption “Hurt Ball Noises” so I’m not hard to please. And then to bash The Cleveland Show by saying it got similar ratings or something to Bob’s Burgers??? Shut the fuck up. Tell me which show actually got their movie made. Tell me, Seth. Fuck you.
“All About Alana” S20 E17
Chuckle counter: 2
My review: Now, this was the only episode in which I actually audibly laughed. Lois, about to be killed by two kidnappers, saying “No! Don’t let two white women make a podcast about my disappearance!” was the only moment in the whole 10 episodes that I felt like I enjoyed what I was watching. Anyways, this episode felt very fast paced. They all did, as to account for the mass amounts of cutaways they like to fit into their episodes, but everything with Alana seemed normal and then Lois just kinda went “she seems suspicious” and then she was. Like it just felt very fast, but whatever. Also, Elizabeth Gillies was in this? Cool, good for her, hope it paid well girlboss.
“Family Guy Lite” S17 E14
Chuckle counter: 1
My review: It feels like any time a show has a fat protagonist, an episode is made in which they have to lose weight in order to function properly and in order to get some laughs. I’m just tired of seeing “Haha this guy is FAT and has to lose weight!! Fat is funny!! Seeing fat guy try to lose weight is funny!!”. And I’m sure this is neither the first nor the last episode where Family Guy has an episode surrounding Peter needing to lose weight. Also, doesn’t Lois cheat on Peter a lot? Like multiple times? Have I gathered that correctly from all the clips Tik Tok has shown me? So why does she get on a soapbox at the end about how she writes about her fantasies so she doesn’t act on them? Lois, you could have been doing this this whole fucking time?! Lois, I’m all for supporting women, but I hope you die. (Editors of this article, was that too much?).
“Underage Peter” S14 E14
Chuckle counter: 0
My review: Yet another episode that I enjoy the idea of but wasn’t entertained by the execution. The idea of a middle aged man doing something so fucked up while drunk that they have to raise the drinking age to 50 is a funny concept. That said, it was just another episode. I don’t know, it existed. It certainly exists. One of the better ones, but not enough.
“Hard Boiled Meg” S20 E15
Chuckle counter: 1
My review: Eh. It was an episode. I appreciate the full circle ending it kind of had, I enjoyed that. But other than that, it was another episode I kind of just felt okay about. But, compared to some others, I’ll take that any day.
With all that said and done, I think it’s interesting how many episodes from the later seasons of the show I was given. Out of the 33 episodes I was shown, only 7 episodes were from before season 11. Tik Tok seems to love modern day Family Guy for whatever reason.
I have many other issues with this show, obviously. Like why do the Griffins give Stewie a solo in the theme song when they don’t know he can talk? They reference the fact that they sing a theme song in episodes and joke about practicing it. Peter and Lois do not know Stewie can talk. Chris and Meg can kind of understand him sometimes, but not always I don’t think. But I don’t think Chris and Meg are the ones giving out solos. Did Peter and Lois, while assigning parts to the theme song, think “We need to have someone sing these lines but poor Stewie hasn’t had a solo yet so let’s give these three words to him!” thinking that this motherfucker would just “googoo gaga” into the microphone?? WHY DOES HE HAVE A PART IF PETER AND LOIS DON’T THINK HE CAN TALK?!!
But, now is not the time nor place to air out all of my grievances. I hate Family Guy. I hate Peter and Lois Griffin. I think it is a mostly unfunny show from what I have seen, as a lot of its humor caters to those who haven’t thought about comedy past the age of 13. It has its moments, but overall I don’t see why it is still around. Could I write a comedy show? Probably not. I understand a lot of work goes into that. I am not saying I could do what Seth McFartlane is doing at all. I just think Family Guy has no reason to show itself on my for you page when it has no right to be there.
I hit “not interested” on these clips so many times. And yet, my escape doesn’t seem possible. Am I a fool for assuming I can escape? Will I one day be free from Peter and his taunts? Will Seth ever stop his relentless pursuit to make me miserable? I don’t know. I do not know and that scares me. God, if you exist and are reading this article, please let me go. I am a sinner, I know. But what did I do to deserve this? Are you one with the Griffins? Am I a potential convert? Oh God, he’s here now. Peter is fucking here across the room from me I’m so scared. HE’S CHARGING AT ME. I AM NOT LONG FOR THIS WORLD. HELP ME!! HELP—
“He’s
A
Family
Guyyyyyyyyyyy!!!”
All images in this article credited to Fox Broadcasting Company.
