When applying for colleges your senior year of high school, I don’t think you fully grasp the reality of your situation. Perhaps you’re focused on finishing high school, and finally getting your diploma. Maybe you’re looking forward to the freedoms you don’t currently have, and look forward to having in college. Nevertheless, my senior year experience was like no other. Despite a global pandemic, and virtual classes becoming the norm, I had no idea I was signing myself up for a world of chaos.
After you complete the arduous task of completing the college applications, essays, interviews, what have you, the acceptance and/or rejection letters start to trickle in. If you’re lucky enough to gain acceptance to an institution, the financial burden becomes all too real. General student fees, textbooks, enrollment deposits, all of these factors are stressful and needlessly annoying. Though, that’s not even the tip of the iceberg in this case.
Your first day on a college campus is daunting. You realize all the normalities of high school no longer stand true. Your high school friends go off on their own paths, and leave you in the dust. You’re now a freshman again, on a brand new campus that’s twice the size of your high school, you have 0 familiar faces and to top it all off, you trade your comfortable childhood home in exchange for a trial run of adult-hood and bucket load of uncomfortability. Now what?
Many of my fellow collegians may be experiencing liberation, a new sense of individuality. However, let’s talk about the perspective of a home-sick collegian who is just trying to get by. Growing up, I was given a decent amount of freedom. In turn, I never felt the need to run away from home. When I had to make the choice of living on campus, I was shaking in my boots.
The first semester consisted of bathroom breakdowns, imposter-syndrome and if home-sickness had a stronger and more intense cousin, that would be what I was feeling. I was confused, and sad. I missed my old friends, I missed the childhood simplicities I took for granted. I felt like I was being robbed of my comfort zone, and I barely knew how to navigate that. Being a first generation college student, I have a ton of weight on my shoulders to carry the torch. I would be letting down my entire family if I dropped out, and I have no choice but to somehow learn to swim in this insanely huge and unforgiving ocean. To be completely honest, I was terrified. I am terrified.
The question of, what do I want to do with my life, is such a heavy question. Years ago, the age-old question of “what do you want to be when you grow up?” was nothing but a simple hypothetical. Now, the pressure to make my dreams a reality is standing right in front of my face. I am still the confused teenager who was bombarded with college applications, I am still the confused teenager who sleeps through my morning alarm. I am still the confused teenager who has no idea what they want to do with their life. And to anyone who feels like they’re lying to everyone, and they’re just 3 children in a trench coat trying to navigate the world, you’re not alone. It’s okay to not have everything figured out. It’s okay to not be as excited for adulthood as some of your peers may be. It’s okay to take everything at your own pace. And the reason I’m saying this is because I wish someone would have said it to me.
