In the fall of 2018, newly a high school graduate, I started here as an Arcadia freshman. I was eager for my courses and a degree in Media and Communications, as well as several pianos around campus to get up and jam during the day. I was excited to make friends and have a seamless four years of college.
During Freshman Orientation that August, we were all given t-shirts with “Class of ‘22” in bold black letters on the back.
My expected graduation year. Or so I thought.
Freshman year went as expected. I made friends, got all As and Bs, and obviously did some jamming at the campus pianos. I even went to London for Preview in 2019, and I loved it so much that I started planning for a semester abroad in the UK.
However, little did I know that a global pandemic would interrupt my sophomore year, and consequently, the remainder of my college experience. Add to that a quart of a queer identity crisis, a pot of anxiety, a pan of depression, and a Crock Pot full of trauma.
Clearly, I wasn’t alone in this. A September 2020 study from the National Institutes of Health (NIH) shows that 71% of college students experienced anxiety during the COVID-19 pandemic; 91% expressed fear for their health or the health of their loved ones, and 86% reported difficulty in concentrating and more sleep problems during this time.
Personal testimonies from queer students during the pandemic showed they were also experiencing anxiety. They were essentially ripped from their safe school environments and placed into unsafe ones at home. I wasn’t in an “unsafe” environment, per se, just one where no one knew who I really was – and, due to the current politics and state of the world at that point, I couldn’t find the right time to voice what I was truly thinking and feeling.
Some of the school-based support I’d had freshman year and early sophomore year was still available to me, just digital instead of face-to-face. I still kept in touch with a few of my friends through texting, and I utilized the Writing Center frequently during my junior year; I always booked appointments with one of my friends who was a Writing Center tutor. I was still involved in Arcadia’s Counseling Service’s support groups once a week on Zoom. It wasn’t the same as in-person meetings, but at least we were still connecting.
All of this worked – for a bit – until I studied abroad in Glasgow, Scotland, during the fall 2021 semester. I had postponed this a year from the previous fall due to concerns about traveling during COVID. I was back on board for study abroad when I saw some classes I liked on the University of Glasgow’s course website.
I was planning to go for my full senior year, and I thought that this would be the most epic year yet. But I couldn’t have been more wrong.
A year abroad was cut short to just the fall due to visa issues. For that one semester, I didn’t get the classes I wanted due to limited course availability for international students. I eventually selected my classes, but they weren’t my first choice. Further, they were all on Zoom, except for a weekly one-hour in-person seminar as a supplement to one of my intro classes (that I was taking as a senior).
I was bummed and didn’t leave my room much except to go to class and the corner Tesco’s and Sainsbury’s for essential groceries. I felt a huge sense of FOMO considering that Arcadia students were starting their return to in-person activities. There were times when I loved being in a different place and wished I could’ve stayed the full year, but there were also times when I regretted studying abroad since I could have been attending fully face-to-face classes the entire semester.
The few months abroad went just ok, but I was disconnected from the resources I’d had here in Glenside and virtually during COVID. I was more depressed that fall than I had ever been. Uncharacteristically, I failed a class abroad.
I returned to Arcadia’s campus for the spring 2022 semester. I just had to pass 18 credits to graduate and be able to walk with my class. That’s easy, I thought. Just sit myself down and focus.
Well, it turned out not to be easy. I was ruminating on what felt like a wasted semester abroad, as well as personal issues from the last couple of years. I wasn’t focused on the classes right in front of me. My routine was off, I had stopped going to class, and all I could do was just think, and then cry.
By that May, I had failed all my classes except one, and I only gained two credits. I had blown off any academic or emotional resources I had in past semesters, and I didn’t seek help for my mental health that semester, either from within or outside of the Arcadia community.
What followed that summer was both an internal battle and an external one, with me telling myself that I just needed to talk all this through with a counselor, and my mom telling me to get a job ASAP or go back to school and graduate. We weren’t listening to each other, and things weren’t working out.
After several ER crisis evaluations later that summer and fall, I ended up in a few transitional housing programs for the rest of 2022 and almost all of 2023. Those weren’t working for me either, as I realized my main goal was going back to school and finally graduating to move on with my life (and future education if I needed it.)
Reluctantly, in December 2023, my mom agreed to let me move back in, so long as I had at least a part-time job until I went back to school, had mental health treatment in the form of counseling, and continued taking an antidepressant that I didn’t realize I needed years ago.
In March 2024, I found a job opening with a third-party contractor, called HBL, at Sesame Place as a Games Operator. I was in awe. As a season pass holder my entire childhood, I jumped on the chance to apply, and I got the job.
The summer went well, just hot – in fact, dripping-with-sweat-at-the-end-of-every-workday hot. Meanwhile, I took a summer class with Arcadia to help me graduate on time. It was a science class that fulfilled multiple AUC requirements. And yes, before you ask, I passed.
As of now, for the fall 2024 semester, I have 14 credits. This includes an internship, my senior thesis paper, an upper-level media studies class, and Loco Mag. Given what I’ve been through, I’m excited for this semester and what it brings – and what is to come for my future.
I’m continuing with what I need to do so far. I just hope I’m not cooked once again.
Featured Image by utroja0 on WikiMedia Commons
