Everybody knows the fairytale and short story of Hansel and Gretel. Two kids who find a house made of candy. This is the story that started it all. In the 1600’s, early Germans brought the Lebkuchenhaus or Pfefferkuchenhaus–gingerbread house–to America. Due to the story of Hansel and Gretel and the German gifts, Americans’ started incorporating these houses into Christmas and holiday traditions. Now, every year, all we do is want to recreate what the Germans brought to us, especially young kids. The Christmas season is right around the corner, and what better way to enjoy Christmas than buying that delicious gingerbread house. Not.
I mean, what’s the point? I know what you’re thinking, what’s better than a candy house, right? They’re practically straight out of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, but it’s more than just a candy house that looks like it might taste good. Or really, it’s less. First of all, I do not know a single person who believes that gingerbread genuinely tastes good. Taste is one problem, but it certainly is not the only one. The instant you try to put the house together with the icing, the walls cave in, and the process becomes more frustrating than fun. Then comes putting on the candy. This is what I don’t understand. We put the candy on the house and around the house and then just leave it out to dry so that nothing falls off? But then the candy gets all hard and stale, so we can’t ever actually eat it. More than that, every other day another gumdrop tumbles to the floor. If gingerbread houses seem to give up on themselves, why shouldn’t we?
Why would we want to put together a gingerbread house to begin with? It doesn’t even look nice because no one can get it to look like the stupid picture on the cover of the box it came in anyway. The only reason people buy this is because it looks good when they pass it walking down the aisle at the grocery store. If the most we are meant to get out of gingerbread houses is stale candy and frustration, why do we buy it? We waste all this time putting this thing together just to leave it out to rot. We might as well just buy the kit and eat what’s inside and throw out the gingerbread, since nobody ever eats that anyway. Better yet, don’t buy the kit at all and buy all of the candy separately for a quarter of the price. Or, forget the candy and buy a nice meatloaf for dinner. Problem solved and money better spent.
